I: Steady
you're the strong one
the confidant, clear-headed one
always
so watching you doubt
hurts me more than you know
you've always been steady
for me
so now I'll be steady
for you

Beneath I breathe
Deeper I die
Delved I recede
Unearthed I obey

The earth! The earth!
Upturned, I am glad!
The depths! The depths!
Revealed, I glorify!

I yield to command
I surrender to spade
His is the healer's hand
His is this glade

captured
my heart securely caught
can barely breath
the lesson has been taught

     “Well hello again Alicia.” She knelt down and smiled at her happily, and took both of her hands, not caring that the girls fingers were wet and sticky since they had been in her mouth. “Who’s a beautiful girl? Your hair looks so pretty today…with the little beads. Did your mommy do it this morning?”
     Alicia grinned and as you watched her you could think that she was nodding. She wouldn’t stop smiling.

*It's under peotry, but it's supposed to be a song. It's kind of funny without the tune, and lost some of it's character.*

Courtship and love. Sickness and hospitals. Waiting--learning perseverance and patience--crying--hoping.

My summer seems to have been a mishmash of those things.

You all know that last December, a wonderful young man named Justin asked permission to court me. Last spring, it seemed like we could be married by this time. We were specifically hoping for September or October. Once Justin graduated, there was the slight problem of waiting so jobs could open up in the weather service. But, we thought, it shouldn't be a problem, right?

Sunday came falling down too fast, crashing in upon me like Niagara Falls; a splash of cold water and ice that had the weight of large rocks. I could have prepared myself to be prepared for a month and it wouldn't have made a difference. Because no matter how prepared I was, it wasn't going to change how I felt.

I have learnt alot in the past week.

I am fifteen. I am standing in the arena at Spice Creek Stables while five riders circle me, as Bill Richey’s apprentice. I am uncomfortable, and ashamed that I feel this way when everyone keeps telling me what a great opportunity this is. I want to be an instructor, I want a job with horses, but now I am unhappy and I don’t even know why.