1. Exhausted
I used to put up with a lot
I used to brave the mood swings and the angry drunken tirades
Put a happy face on when I was shaking with fury
Stay united with my family while we all just watched
But now I’m making an executive decision
I don’t have to spend my time with people who make me crazy
So I’ll sit back in my cave and write about it.
2. Big Apple, Baby
I’ve been thinking that this might not be a pipe dream after all
We might be able to make it in this big, great city
With my reedy little voice and your old guitar
We might be the next stars on Hollywood Boulevard
When we get famous and they ask who our inspiration was
We’ll point at each other and they’ll think it’s cute
But we’ll look into each others eyes and know it’s the truth
The world was built for two, they say
Love can take you anywhere
Baby, I think we’re headed to the Big Apple
3. Drunken Whiskey Night
You think I’m irresponsible
I let you think it’s true
I heard you like the bad girls
I made myself your match
Drinking whiskey in the moonlight
I’m leaning on your Chevy
Cigarette smoke masks everything
Like the smell of stale small town dreams
4. Let Me Be Alone
I wish it were late enough that I could just go to sleep
I don’t want to be obligated to bid everyone goodnight
Just leave me in peace
Don’t make me say something I’ll regret
5. Sweet Recognition
I do a lot of things for a lot of people
I try my best, I sacrifice a good portion of my life
Being recognized for it is beautiful
Especially when it’s by someone who I would do virtually anything for
6. Remember Me
Keep me in mind
If one day you get lonely
I’m a jack of all trades, darling
I can be a friend, a therapist, an incredible junk food delivery-woman
Just give me a call and I’ll be there.
7. Another Day is Done
When I fall asleep another day is done
When the new dawn breaks everything will be different
More smiling faces, more laughs and utter ridiculousness
And when I’m asleep I can dream about my wildest ideas
Maybe if I dream hard enough they will become a little closer to reality
Hope you like them, please critique! :)
Comments
No, I love long comments :).
No, I love long comments :). Thank you so much for taking the time to critique and comment on each one!!! It's super helpful!
"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond
Homey stole my comment!
*pouts* Homey stole my comment! Give it back! LOL.
These were really good, I'd have to Ditto Maddie, on several things... and there isn't much I can add to her comment... um...
These were full of this... this weird feeling, I don't know what it was... helplessness? These all sounded like victim poems, and it's not my favorite vibe. But I loved your rhythm and wording! And of course, I just love your writing style!
Please post more!
"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!
Thank you for commenting! And
Thank you for commenting! And congratulations, you GOT it!!! They did have an undertone of general helplessness and victimization. I'm trying to see if people catch the theme without me saying it outright (I'm testing whether I am making myself emotionally clear when I write). So you and Homey both seemed to get it. I give you a digital cookie ;)
I actually responded back to
I actually responded back to your comment earlier, but I wasn't signed in. -_-
Anyway, thanks for commenting! You understood the vibe correctly. So, congratulations :). I'm trying to test the clarity of my writing by giving it a certain theme and seeing if people pick up on it.
Plus, that was kind of the mood I was in. Lol. Thank you so much!
"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond
'ello! So! More poems--yay!
'ello!
So! More poems--yay! *does a happy dance*
Exhausted didn't quite have the strong, firm resolution I was expecting. You know, an ending that would make a stand. The poem built up toward that last, powerful line--very nicely--but I felt like at the end the poem retreated--just like the author did, into her cave. Despite what the poem was saying, there was an undercurrent of passiveness about it. On another note, I loved that you included the phrase executive decision. Don't know why--I just like the way that sounds! Haha.
Big Apple, Baby was quirky. I find saying the word 'baby' or 'honey' or 'sweetheart' in a poem when referring to a partner really hard to pull off, but you manage. :) It had an oldies feel to it, which was unique. And I really liked the lines: We’ll point at each other and they’ll think it’s cute
But we’ll look into each others eyes and know it’s the truth
Drunken Whiskey Nights brought to mind this book I read a while back, called Like Mandarin. (I was not a fan! LOL!) But your poem is completely separate from that, so. :D I like that last line.
Let Me Be Alone was short, simple and to the point. Very well done.
Sweet Recognition had a really awesome last-two-lines!
As for Remember Me this line was so YA-ish, I could just picture it in a book: I can be a friend, a therapist, an incredible junk food delivery-woman
Annnnnd....Another Day is Done. I re-read it back and tried to relate it to my own experiences. When I did, I really got it. Once again, the ENDING.
So! I hope this was helpful and I'm sorry for the novel length-ness of it all. You've been reading all my stuff, and I really appreciate it! So this is the least I can do. ;) (and if the-least-I-can-do is bothersome, please let me know!) LOL!
Thanks!
-Homey