Ocean Song

Submitted by E on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 17:59

1. I want to die on a beach
I want to die on a beach
Alone, the rain will pelt my smile
The tide engulfing my outstretched arms
The sand will wrap me up like a cocoon
When the lightning strikes, I will remember my life as it once was
The ocean will take my body and I will swim amongst the whales.

2. I See
At the time I didn’t think that I had ever seen so many colors. There were tiny little islands, encircled by a vibrant, electric blue-green ocean. Little flecks of gray and brown and every shade of blue danced around in the light like broken pieces of glass.

3. The Ocean Song
The sand will creep in like a silent promise
It will dance on my toes and sneak under my fingers
Ocean songs will echo through the window
All of this will quiet my sighs and keep me sane

Author's age when written
16
Genre
Poetry
Tags
poetry
life
nature
freedom
writing
love
friendship
beauty
memories
mystery
pain
Sorrow
dreams
magic
truth
night
Rain
randomness
Notes

I want to go to the beach, in case you can't tell. Hope y'all like them, please critique! :)

Comments

Anna

Thu, 07/11/2013 - 16:18

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Reminds me of Florence + the Machine. These are lovely.

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Kassady

Thu, 07/11/2013 - 18:12

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I want to go to the beach too!
I thought these were a little weird this time... maybe it was just the "I want to die on a beach" which kind of set me off. But I like your wording!
More?

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Lucy Anne

Fri, 07/12/2013 - 16:10

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I liked ocean song the best. But it made me wonder what you meant by ocean song. Perhaps you could have described of of that. Also, I didn't really get what you were describing in I see. There were beautiful descriptions, but what were you describing? Maybe it's just me and I have a lack of imagination today. The tide engulfing my outstretched arms
The sand will wrap me up like a cocoon - were really visible and true descriptions! -Megan

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lucy Anne

Fri, 07/12/2013 - 16:33

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...my computer internet safety thing won't let me comment on your page.

This was rather strange, but I guess I could say well-written. I like the mystery. Maybe they had drank too much and then the whole time they lost their senses? Maybe they were just talking about a world in their own minds...? Something I thought of while reading this.

It does remind me of an Utopian society, but only because you mentioned The Giver by Lois Lowry in your notes. I had rather mixed feelings for that book, though. It was so well-written, so suspenseful, and did you see how she made a full circle from starting from the beginning of the book to the end? It's one of those books I can never really forget. But the whole time I read it, it gave me a depressing feeling, and I couldn't believe how much people, the people you kind of trust, lie. Everything was just so sad...and also, I was rather uncomfortable with the society that maybe if certain people would do this, the world would be perfect. As a Christian, I know that no one but God can make things perfect. I know it was a fiction and a what-if? story, but seriously, it still caught my attention that I read the entire book! Not that it was long. :)

EDIT: Oh, my, the comments I tried to publish on Good-bye Burt did get published, but I still can't view them because my computer blocks the page. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it, because I can't access the page. So if you decide to comment back, please comment back on Ocean Song or I won't be able to see it. Oh, and Arthur, you can delete those comments.

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

E

Fri, 07/12/2013 - 17:46

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Thank you so much! I appreciate such thoughtful comments. The Giver is extremely dark, and it made me sad, also, to think that they were so oblivious as to what they were doing to other humans. It was very thought provoking, though. I'm really into social commentaries. Thanks again for taking the time to comment!!!

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

E

Fri, 07/19/2013 - 00:19

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@ Lucy Anne- I just realized that you asked what I described in "I See." I know what I described, but I purposefully made it so that others wouldn't know. It can be whatever you want it to be, I'm leaving it to the imagination. :)

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Raine

Tue, 09/24/2013 - 15:55

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I reeaaaaallllly liked this. Especially 'I See'. I think the best poetry is the poetry that sends a hook into your heart and tugs--it's kind of indescribable what it does to you, but you know that it touches you in some way. That's what this did when I read it...reached out and touched me, although I can't explain the feeling I know it's there. Lovely.