I look unto the heavens,
And, God, I wonder why?
Why, if you’re so holy, did you make a girl like me?

I can’t imagine why, oh LORD,
Why am I in your plan?
Why, a simple, sinful girl, with faults so plain to see?

In Your Word you tell the truth--
A truth that never dies;
Yet truth that seems to contradict myself, LORD can it be?

You tell me that I’m chosen,
That for me you have a job,
That you can use this broken girl, if only I agree.

I: fighting
fighting this feeling
rising inside
whispering mantras of truth
to contradict the lies
closing me in
tearing at shadows
trying to find light
gasping for air
but my chest is too tight
to allow me to breathe

Chapter One: Back to the Beginning

Julian shivered in the darkling downpour that had cemented his hair to his forehead for the past two days. His tunic, once blue and gold, cleaved to his knees in tatters. All he could wish for that night was a dry place to lie down. Likely to die, he thought, his long eyelashes swiping at the rain in his eyes. Every story ends with—

They have offered me my life for my love.
They will kill us all- unless we surrender Julian.
He is the chosen one; I see that now. It makes sense suddenly, because he was always more than what he seemed.
How could anyone do this to him? And how can he not? He is too noble to let them kill us all. When they hand him over, he will go.
Lovely Julian!
They have offered our lives for my love.

All listen when he speaks. My heart used to thrill, but now it throbs. Soon he might speak no more.