I may smile for the camera
I might fool my friends with laughter
When I was 15 I was a bubbly, outgoing girl. I spent as much time as possible with my friends, and was called a social butterfly by many.
But underneath the lies
You will find the truth that hides

I look unto the heavens,
And, God, I wonder why?
Why, if you’re so holy, did you make a girl like me?

I can’t imagine why, oh LORD,
Why am I in your plan?
Why, a simple, sinful girl, with faults so plain to see?

In Your Word you tell the truth--
A truth that never dies;
Yet truth that seems to contradict myself, LORD can it be?

You tell me that I’m chosen,
That for me you have a job,
That you can use this broken girl, if only I agree.

I
sometimes I wish
I'd never heard
a love song so sweet
or read a fairy tale
or wished upon a star
for then I wouldn't
feel these things
and think they might
be true.

II
a halting touch
across my arm
brushes across my mind
reminding me
of the way things were
and how I'd wish they'd be

I: Embracing Me
This constant struggle to be
who
what
I think
they want to see.
Trying too hard
just want to fit in
tired of being on the outside
looking in;
I am sure
some of this is all in my head
but how much?
I want to be me
be wanted for me,
I want to be loved
for my quirks,
not despite them.
I wish being different was not such a sin
I'm sick of different
I just want to fit in;
or rather,
I wish everyone was like me
or else,

     Okay, no joke, this is a true story. It starts like this, picture it.
     I settle down in my room with a sigh, my back up against my bed, and my eyes roving the outside world through my open window to watch the fading twilight. Ah, it is my favorite time of day. I lay my head back onto the bed. Finally, a break.