A figure stood alone on the top of the dwarves' mountain-fortress.  He was watching the sun sink into the west, a globe of fire among cushions of purple.  Around him -- north, south, east -- all was dark.  A crescent moon rose in the dusk of the east, the same sliver that had shone down upon a far away fairy wood -- almost 14 years ago now.  The same boy looked up at it, marveling at its mystery.  He heard the trees rustling in a cold wind far below, whispering secrets to each other.  This was Eltar's favorite place to be, and he often came up on an evening, to rest and think.  Tonight he w

Pink and green, red and blue,
Grey and purple-orangey hue,
Big fat eyes; spark-plug ears,
The little people no one hears.

They steal and sneak,
And make a leak,
They hide up in your trees;
Yes, the little people no one sees.

They'll steal your food,
When in your worst mood,
But they'll put it back...
When you've made a new snack.

They sometimes keep things,
"For keeps!" he sings,
Just to make you mad,
Because they're really, really, bad.

MRS DOOHINKLE: Dear, this box came today.

MR DOOHINKLE: Wonderful. It must be my used candlewax sculpture of a hammer.

MRS DOOHINKLE: No, I'm sure it's my water bottle hankies.

MR DOOHINKLE: What does it say?

MRS DOOHINKLE: The CRAZY AMAZING Thing.

MR DOOHINKLE: Then it must be-

DOOEY: Look! My Girl Palace Makeup Set with matching telescope is here!

LOOEY: But of course, it's my genuine 1965 racing jet full-scale model!

DOOEY: But...

LOOEY: Dooey...

MR DOOHINKLE: Guess what everyone? I've decided to go BALD!!

His feet clapped the wooden plank down towards me.  “What be your name, boy?”  Frantically I thought.  “I don’t know.”  I don’t know!  Why had I said that, of all things?

“What on Sila’s earth means that?” he asked.

PRINCE CASPIAN

I hope ya'll like this one. It isn't quite as funny as The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, at least in my opinion, but it still made my brother laugh. Remember: read out loud, preferrably to someone else. (note: D. Corn is Doctor Cornelius. It's just an abbreviation, but you can read it that way, if you want. I do. Also, where Su says: Let him eat fists; supposedly, Marie Antoinette, the French queen, said about the poor people: Let them eat cake. So that's where I got it.)

The glob of colors was growing, it started moving, swirling and twirling, and becoming larger, in just a few minutes it was bigger than I was, and then for a few amazing minutes, I was inside the glob, and then I was sitting quietly in a barstool at a kitchen counter, doing nothing of importance with an old pencil and a piece of scrap paper. I saw my mom and sister sitting in a living room; they too were doing nothing of importance, the whole place was quiet, you could have heard a small mouse scurry across the floor. It seemed as though I was in a small, pretty house.

The sun was setting, making purple and pink streaks across the big sky. The rolling hills were mere silhouettes against the darkening sky. And across the way, there was a small valley that was beginning to be swallowed up by the dusk. In that small valley, there lived a herd of goats. And with no goatherd, they did as they pleased. Now, in that particular herd of goats, there lived an old nanny goat and her goat kid named Bobby.