Raindrops, falling. Like my tears. This is so like those sad scenes in the movies. Thunder rolls, trees bend and sway. Lightening dances across the ground up ahead. Chaotic and hazed, the air is full of foreign objects whirling around. I shudder as I watch the hail and debris tear through glass windows, shattering, like my heart.
This isn't sadness, it's insanity. My mind is in turmoil. I clench my fists and clench my jaw, hard. I want to reach above the storm with my screams of anger, fear, and hurt. I hold it back, knowing how useless it would be. I give up, and let it go.

I’m waiting for you
to show your hand
Will you hold
or will you fold?
Don’t you know
you can’t play the game
with fire red,
and coal black,
both in your hands?
I’m bleeding,
red,
diamond-shaped tears.
I can’t win
For you always hold
the upper hand:
a flushing red
of my beating heart.
It isn’t fair
to leave me holding
onto only blackness.
Don’t you know?
I could beat you
with such a hand as this,
but I found
that I don’t want to

Faster,
Run faster,
its slipping
Slipping past my fingertips,
trying to hold
tight
through the dips and
dives of my
flight,
true to the wind,
I spin
flying uncontrollably,
I know I won't win
fighting against the wind
now,
the fight
of my flight,
as it slips through my fingers
the fight
thefight,
its hard
toohard,
my hands go limp
and my wings go numb
spinning, crashing, falling,
I cant escape.
the feeling,
I'm failing

Tiny child, by your parents torn apart,
I wish I could hold you in my arms; not my heart.
Unloved, unprotected, not held by loving hands;
Your demise is cheered on and upheld in this land.

Unloved, unwanted, torn and abused:
Cast aside for selfish pleasure, broken; confused.
They pursued their own lust and chased after their pleasure,
Not facing their sins but removing their treasure.

Screams wrenched the atmosphere.
When the Twins crushed and killed it was called unfair.
Was it "them" or us? Questions everywhere.
All I know is God was there.

A mighty tornado went twisting down;
Homes demolished in many a town.
Death allowed to reap what was sown.
I know He was there, they were not alone.

Our soldiers give their lives in brave fight.
We let our trust take a cowardly flight.
We say goodby yet cry, distraught, in fright.
We forget they are held in the hand of His might.

1. Primal Again

eyes scan
wide space and
I am back

on the savanna
where I hunted
as a cub

my knuckles
in the wet ground
roots poke my

weak peachy flesh
but soon, that human skin
is again calloused paw-pads

I am back,
I am a hunter
again

all fours,
primal, and throw
my head skyward

and I roar
like my father taught me
they know I am coming

they scatter, all of them
as I run, I charge
they are no match

From conception I had issues. I had a bad heart.
There was hope for me, yet when I was born I was dead, with a mangled and crippled body.
But I was revived.
I was given life.
I was given a new heart.
I was ridiculed by many of the people around me. Pitied by some. Encouraged by few. I had days of wishing to die in my crippled state, or even to make my state worse out of spite.
But throughout my life each crippled and disabled limb was made right and new. It was a long, slow process, but it was a journey of beauty.

Previous Chapter

When I woke up, I felt sick. I sat up in bed, realizing I was already late for work. Then suddenly the memories of the previous night flooded into my recollection and I fell back onto my bed.

My sister was dead, and I would never get to see her get married and become a mother, which was always her wish. But it would never be. My anger again was aroused, and I spoke aloud to God, saying, "Why, Lord, have you taken my sister's life? Do you not have any consideration for human kind?"

Failure. That's my name. I have always been, and always will be, a failure. There is no changing that.
When I was a kid I failed at school. I failed at dance class. I failed to do my chores. I failed as a sister, I failed as a daughter, but the biggest failure of all was my failure as a Christian.

Previous Chapter

"Matilda is very sick."

I couldn't believe my brother's words. Yes she was sick; she'd been sick for the past week, but had been recovering the past couple days. I had been there at noon that day and she had seemed almost ready to get up and walk. I wondered how she could be sick again.