I. Overexposed
Lying exposed in the fluorescent box
Surgical paper crinkles against my back
Impersonal hands press soft tissue
Those intimate parts of me no one is supposed to touch
Inhale, she says, I breathe in hand sanitizer aroma
Exhale, she says, I breathe out the sterile remains
Removes the ice metal from my ribs, the signal of the end
Put on my shirt and I'm no longer a lab specimen
They call a "patient".

You know when you were twelve
And you thought you knew it all
Bluffed your way through bottomless debates
That you never, ever lost

So you know when you were twelve
And you thought you were excellent
That everyone should look up to you
Because you set grand precedents

And you know when you were twelve
Leaning over the sink to swipe
Uneven mascara that you thought looked amazing
Poked the wand into your eye

Chapter 1

Come, explore the world of the Great White Whale
That sailors used to know;
Join Starbuck in the dinghy that
Can but gasp in the sea's swirling foam.

Tired? - throw your troubles
On any passer-by!
Try your hand at a Southern boy's trick:
Present your toils as artsy style.

Laugh at the Catbird, cry with 'the boy,'
Feel chills at the black cat's call!
Know the dread of the red-eyed dragon,
Let a feathered thing carry you through all.

Standing on the brink of something vast and unexplored
I wonder how this will taste
It's something I suppose I've kind of maybe known before
But this is different, of a separate time and place
And girl

I hope this fares well
Oh man I really do
I balk at the idea of standing
At the threshold of a room
That everyone has previously
Tied themselves extra tightly to

I'm giving up so much and nothing
In the same decision
Must loose my daily freedom
To gain daily admission

It was a dark and cold night, like the leftover fish in her fridge. She didn’t like fish, and she didn’t like that night, so both of them were pushed from her memory and allowed to waste away. But as much as she tried to forget it that single piece of fish just seemed to smell worse over time; her memory of that night was just as painful as the smell.

I was doing my best to bandage the wound and stop the bleeding while Savadra ran to alert Craigin, who would then find the others. I would have given anything for a good set of signal whistles that night.

“I don't guess you care to tell me what happened, eh Bart?” I muttered as I worked. The last rays of light had vanished from the trees and my job was becoming impossible.

Bart didn't reply.

I lapse,
The sight of your face too tempting,
I collapse,
All my crudely built walls falling.
I fail,
My mental bitter back talk quieting,
I flail,
Unable to find a reliable footing.
I quiver,
Fearful of my dark daydreaming,
I waver,
Every cell in my body screaming.
I ache,
Memories leave my heart pounding,
I shake,
The thoughts of you blinding.
I sigh,
Heavy hearted and hurting,
I lie,
Not really sure what I'm wanting.
I lapse,
It's all really depressing

I was hit with the sudden this morning
The sudden feeling of how stupid this is
I want to talk to you
This should have never happened
And we both have blame to bear

It's just really ridiculously pointless
For things to take such turns
We were all friends at one point
I wish we were for what it's worth
So there's that

It's going to take some adjustment
Being without somebody
There are times when I miss you so strongly
And others when I think that I didn't even
Truly know who you were

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