I: Suffocate
you look my way and I can't breathe
anymore
suffocating under your gaze
but when you look away
and the breath comes rushing in
oh! I'd rather suffocate

II: Wishes
wishing on stars
eyelashes, burning paper
sparkle light dancing across the ceiling
wishing on the ghosts of dandelions
this wish
I can't let go
it's my fiber, my being
it has become my being
until it comes true
I'll keep on wishing
and if it does
when it does
move from shadow to reality
well then
I may keep wishing still

III: sunspots
this thin scrap of love
encircling my heart
like decaying lace
no longer creating pressure
making my heart flutter
instead leaving prints
like the sun upon my skin
I grow and change
but these pale spots where you were
will always stay the same

IV: decipher
listening to the words
you don't say
truth peeking from behind lies
empty words rising like smoke
coming like smoke
continually
clouding my vision
distorting their meaning
choking me
as I try to decipher
the substance behind the smoke
try to decipher
you

V: details
obsessively collecting details
soaking up memories
like a sponge
before they're gone
I want to remember
your smile
the way it flickers before it beams
like sunshine after rain
I want to remember the warmth of your jacket
how I'd been so cold
how it smelled like you
I want to remember
sitting near you
so nervous
wanting to know you
so scared I'd be rejected
and how light I felt
when I wasn't
I want to remember so much
but I'm forgetting
and moving on
and finding someone new

VI: run
fighting emptiness
seeking worth
running from the dark
so dark
and all that lurks inside
chasing dreams
as they fall apart
hoping to reach them
before they're gone
responsibilities grow
overwhelming me
so I run
not away, not toward
just run
to keep breathing
to stay alive

VII: trusting
have to trust myself
now
this moment
risk a fall
to move on with life
can't let myself be stuck here
forever
deciding
trying to remember
must move
before this blink is over
trust my instincts
racing before speeding cars
I have to trust myself

VIII: stuck
floating
here, suspended
no tears come
as I try to keep my head above water
chest burning, but I feel no pain
stretched thin
beneath this mountain
crushing weight
holding me in place
unable to move
forward
I wait
and try to breathe

IX: New Year's Resolutions
New Year's resolutions
plans of a better me
a fresh start
standing tall
watching newness steal over me
I know that today
isn't really different from the rest
that every dawn is a new beginning
every evening the end of something
but somehow
this change of date
brings out wishes
for the best in us all
and we resolve to make those wishes come true