Snapshots

Submitted by E on Thu, 10/10/2013 - 03:43

1. Snapshots
I sometimes wish I could catch
those special moments with a camera
plant them in my mind and never stop seeing them
replay them over and over in my head
you are beautiful
when you look at me that way
my heart does things that a human heart shouldn’t
have the ability to do while I’m still breathing
like stop for a few breaths
then let it go again
please just let me
love you like you know I can

2. Coming to Terms
It’s time that I face the facts
He’s going to marry her
When she tosses the bouquet I might catch it
But then I’ll look up at his face and not really care
A little ways down the road they’ll have a couple of kids
I vaguely wonder if they’ll have his eyes

3. Grown Ups
I’ve become so detached
From the people I used to know
I want everything
And even that’s not enough

4. Fear
My dread is like a pool I can see
Bathe in it, feel on my skin like a
Costume that I wear to the most
Scandalous of parties waiting
On the day that you will leave me or I will leave you
Or whatever either way we’re
Leaving, spreading apart and I’ll just keep
Bathing in my dread for the day that
We will never meet again.

5. Limited Edition
Every once in a while it hits me
This is just a temporary gig
One of us is going to leave
Chances are, it’s me
We have a couple of years
Let’s make them good

6. If It Kills Me
Here I am thinking that once this is over
I will never hear your sweet perfect voice anymore
It’s a small world we live in, and I will find a way to you
Even if it kills me.

7. Peace
I miss the gentle roar of the gulf
And the thundering silence it brought
To my unquieted mind

8. Abandonment
My life is a blur
I forget every part of my life that didn’t have you in it
I tell my heart that those times weren’t important but they were
I’m fooling myself into believing false things
Please just stay with me, you know I care
Don’t leave me will all the rest of them

9. Scared of Everything
I’m so pathetically afraid of growing old
I didn’t used to be that way
I almost desired the wiseness and goodness
That came with being an old lady
Now I fear the crow’s feet, weight gain
Arthritis and losing you.

10. Little Girl Love
You took three steps forward
One step back, one glance to me
Three simple words—no, not I love you
Different ones that seal my place in your heart
And tell me that we’re fine
You just can’t stop, can you?
It’s been a long time since I’ve taken a breath
You’ve been stopping my heart in its little girl tracks
Since 1/21/07

11. Yet Again
I thought today was the day
When I would be able to move on
But of course
Yet another setback that brings me closer to him

12. Like a Dog
I keep on running around in circles
Chasing my own tail
Why do I even think about it when
There’s not even a possibility of something good
What the hell is wrong with me

13. love
I want what they have
But I feel like I’ll never get there
I know, deep down, I’ll find someone
But for now I’m just alone.

Author's age when written
17
Genre
Poetry
Tags
poetry
hope
life
nature
freedom
writing
love
friendship
beauty
memories
pain
Sorrow
dreams
friends
truth
Notes

I turned 17!!! Woohoo! Anyway, I realized I hadn't posted in a while and had built up a TON of notes. Hope y'all enjoy, please critique. :)

Comments

Maddi

Thu, 10/10/2013 - 06:43

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Hope you had a great day! Funny how, when you get older, you don't like getting older? And when you were younger, you always wished you were older, then got older, and realised it sucked? That's what I found after I turned 15 the last month. Ahem. Excuse my rambling.

These were really genuine! But sad. :( Why the sadness??

Okay, so I loved Snapshots. And Coming to Terms is great in the imagery, love it. And Fear--OH!--just awesome. Loved the imagery, and the actual legit fear behind it.
Even If It Kills Me is good in that it's desperate, but not that desperate as in the reader's thinking "yeah, right" and I just liked this line: "your sweet perfect voice" :D
Peace is beautiful.
Scared of Everything: "I’m so pathetically afraid of growing old"
GREAT!!!
Little Girl Love is bitter sweet, good job for creating that feeling.
I like the comparison of dogs chasing their tails -- to you. That's a good comparison. :)

"But for now I’m just alone."

Aww....:)

Great job on these, Erin! Glad you posted again!

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Madeline

Thu, 10/10/2013 - 18:03

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Okay...be honest...

How cool it it to tell someone, "I'm seventeen." BECAUSE I MUST KNOW. Being able to say "Sixteen" is pretty cool so I imagine seventeen is even better. Although I do understand the trepidation when it comes to growing up. But it's also really awesome too, so...Happy Birthday!

1. Snapshots
I really like that last line...

2. Coming To Terms
This one didn't resonate with me. It just seemed perhaps a bit old...I don't know.

3. Grown Ups
Liked those last two lines.

4. Fear
I like it. waiting
On the day that you will leave me or I will leave you

5. Limited Edition
This and Fear are connected, and I like it. The thoughts are a bit different though. The first is more frenzied and worried, and this one is kind of a coming-to-terms one. And I like how, in fear, you're unsure of who will leave who. But in this one you say it's you. Anyway, I really like being able to see the thought process in these two.

6. If It Kills Me
Also seems connected to the previous two. This one is more hopeful, but it's also sadder. I like this evolving: worried, resignation, hopeful.

7. Peace
You write about the ocean quite a bit, so obviously it's something special to you. It's nice to see that in poems.

8. Abandonment
Don’t leave me will all the rest of them Think you meant 'with'. I like this, but it didn't feel entirely honest.

9. Scared of Everything
It's nice--perhaps a bit repetitive. I think I'm wanting something more abstract, but all of these are really straightforward. Which isn't a bad thing. They're simple.

10. Little Girl Love
I like this. Different ones that seal my place in your heart

11. Yet Again
The last line feels a bit awkward here. I feel maybe it should be worded differently.

12. Like a Dog
I like it. Feels a bit unfinished, though.

13. love
Same thoughts as me! LOL! Kind of.

Good job, Erin! Hope I didn't sound too unenthused by these. They were a good set. I don't know what I'm waiting for, though. A poem that really speaks to me, maybe? Not that that's your job! LOL! The one set you posted last month (???) did just that, though. :)

E

Thu, 10/10/2013 - 20:26

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Lol, it's pretty cool, I guess. In all honesty, I keep on forgetting! The exciting part is that I can legally go to the theater and watch rated R movies without parental supervision. That sounds totally lame but I'm a major movie buff, so I was pretty excited. Haha.
Thank you for critiquing! And for pointing out my typo, lol.
You know, I hadn't noticed that 4, 5, and 6 were connected until you pointed them out. So, thank you! They were all in my notes from separate days, which is probably why there were three different view points on my conundrum, haha.
Anyway, thanks!

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Madeline

Thu, 10/10/2013 - 23:31

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Okay, this is totally random and off subject (big shocker, I know) but since you mentioned being a movie buff, my mind automatically thought of this book (Anna and the French Kiss) and I wondered if you'd read it. I mean, I know you like John Green--and he gave it a rave review, so! :D Haha. Really horrible title. Really awesome author. You may want to check it out, if you haven't already!

Hey--that's so cool! :D (That you didn't even realize those were connected).

E

Fri, 10/11/2013 - 01:47

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I actually haven't read it! I've been meaning to forever. I'll have to check it out-you're like the 3rd person to say that it's super good (not including John Green. Haha.)

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Kassady

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 02:29

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OOH! This was a great bunch of poetry!!! AND NO WAY! What a coincidence that your writing about age! Before I read this I posted an Angsty-ish essay on age! LOL! Must be going around ;P
WOW! Seventeen! Happy Late Birthday! Hope you had a good one and will have great many ones to come :P
LOVE THESE!

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!