drawn from the ocean
in a backwards flight
as if God grabbed a remote
and swiftly pressed rewind
i’m drawn in the air
and i’m drawn into the sky
nesting in a white-grey cloud
pillowed and divine
along with a thousand other drops
who furl around; condense
bound together by nature’s pull
and varied circumstance
those drops nested by the sand
they’ll stay pressed in the depths
of cake-like mud and rainbow fish
opposing omnipresence
while baby skies
slowly grow fierce
and we are moved
among our peers
as puffs grow damp
as heady leers
as the sky opens
and sheds its tears
i’m released
let go once more
gravity pulls
me to the floor
the floor that mother
made herself
of dirt and cement
nature’s wealth
and I grow weary
when last I hit
the ground and burst
making music
along with a thousand
other plops
the serene noise
of lone raindrops
and i settled beneath a stranger's shoe
succumbed to my new fate
but then again, i’ll come again
mother always delegates
these tasks to me
a thousand times
a constant cycle
Play; rewind.
Yeah. It's raining. That's the main reason for this. Rhythm feels a bit off in this one, for me. Feedback is appreciated.
Comments
I personally enjoyed the
I personally enjoyed the rhythm. I also liked the images you used. This was my favorite part:
a thousand times
a constant cycle
Play; rewind.
I thought it was cool :)
"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond
I really like this!
This is really fabulous. Even though it didn't rhyme it had a very nice flow.
Well done, definitely. You described the rain so well, I really loved it all the way through. LOL, when I reached the end I was like "Aw! This is the end?"
"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!
:)
We're learning about the weather in Science right now - condensation, marking down what kind of clouds are above in the morning and evening: whether it is cirrus, cumulus, lenticular, nimbus, and all that stuff (makes make marvel the beauty of the clouds that God created because now I am forced to look UP like never before)...
So, it is perfectly fitting that you wrote this and because here, it is cloudy outside. Good job with the images you put of what a raindrop may go through! -- Megan
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson