Invisibility is a choice, but it’s not an easy one.

It is a heavy cloak; warm and comforting, though dark and worn. Once it’s been pulled on and clasped about the shoulders it’s difficult to slip it off and let it sink down into the floor, clouding your ankles and disappearing forever. For, once it’s taken off, it can never be put back on again. One admission; one second of bravery imprisons you in a permanent lack of protection from the judgement being cast by the outside world, and very few are comfortable with that alternative.

I started off the year I turned 20 on a somewhat hopeful note. I had learned to let go of my demons, but yet they still haunted me. My depression was better, but it was still there. In February of 2018 (two months before my 20th birthday) I hit an all-time low. I was becoming more and more sick, and had fallen to the point where I could no longer work out or do any of my normal exercise.
If in one unfortunate moment
You took everything that I own
Everything you've given from heaven above
And everything that I've ever known

He thought it was the right answer
And so took his own life
His arm breathed an apology
For being dead inside

His friends take time to mourn for him
His family weeps with pain
Yet Alex our own broken loss
Should not have been your gain

The dominoes come crashing down
As air is filled with threats
Kids unstable, and razors sharp
Affect forgets regret

One death first, and then another
Your self inflicted loss
You curse your friend and your mother
Refuse to share your cross

I see a void over which colors loom

Waiting to embrace in the place of gray

Our children are lost inside of this gloom

While parents are kneeling to weep and pray



We hail them on with exuberant cheer

And muster courage, their hearts to carry

While standing by, they see their end is near

And they only live in hopes to bury



Once they’re gone we suddenly wonder why

With such deep dread they began every day

And looked up never into the bright sky

Wishing only to die and fall away