From my piano bench, I can see dandelion seeds float on the wind. There they go; sledding down imaginary valleys and floating on imaginary clouds. As my fingers travel up and down the keys, I wonder. Does music float? Just like dandelions? If I push up the windows high, lift the piano cover, play Hayden’s Surprise Symphony—will the music float out the windows and into the world’s ears?

"...my life is not pleasing to God, nor honoring Him, if I do not claim His abundant provision for joy in every circumstance." - Sara Yoder, The Way She Chose by Mary Miller

At church yesterday, my friend Sarah lent me this book and when I arrived home, I began reading it. Before the author builds up to this quote, Sara had encountered many difficulties in life that occurred because she was stubborn, refusing to pay heed to her parents and church's warnings in the way she lived her life.

I. What is there to live for, When there seems to be no hope? What is there to live for, When I cannot even cope? Cope with unhappiness, Cope with death of someone close, Cope with many struggles, Cope with my reckless, proud boasts. What is there to live for, When I don’t feel impressed? What is there to live for, When I feel so depressed? There seems to be no cure, But perhaps that isn’t true, Perhaps there’s a person… Who can help and isn’t blue! This person I don’t know, Please do tell soon who He is! Who is He?

Innocence was all I knew / ‘Cause all I had to know was you —“Eden” by Phil Wickham

Ahhhhh.

Here I am, Tuesday afternoon. I have a scant half hour of internet time, then (if my sister Caroline doesn't wake up from her nap) an hour of writing on the computer in  my brother's room. And I haven't posted on ApricotPie yet this month, so here I am.

I often find it hard to believe I live in my body. Am I really the short, bespectacled teenager I see in the mirror? Apparently.

waiting for the rain
in the west, the clouds had been darkening
all day, even sitting on the bank--
when the air feels like this,
you just know it will rain soon--
but the sun made me sleepy
like Alice
before she dreamt of wonderland.

My sisters in the garden;
her fine hair spreading wider, she
opens up her face to me

Shy little thing.

My brothers in the fields,
their bodies stretching higher,
reaching reaching touch the sun

So quick to claim the hour.

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Falling in love can be likened to falling off a high-rise. In both cases, if there is nothing below to catch you, you will end up with a shattered heart or a shattered body.

And yet, knowing that, we fall in love anyway - hoping, praying and trusting that the other person will be able to hold our hearts safely in their hands.

But when they don't, whether because they cannot or will not reciprocate your feelings, the very fragile heart shatters...and it is a rather nasty thing when you realise that your heart is shattering in front of you.