[this has been redacted for possible publication. I will repost if it doesn't get into the college lit mag.]

July 4th, 2009
Dear Journal,
Today was a good day. The Grays invited Mom and I to go to a fireworks display with them. I sat with Josh and Kelly. When the fireworks started Josh tried to hold my hand so I slapped his hand. He said he was just being friendly so I told him that I didn't like that kind of "friendly" and that if he wasn't careful I would have to stop being around him. So he went back to his old way of being friendly, which I like much better. Kelly just glared at him and told him to leave me alone. She's pretty mad at him for the way he treated Courtney.

When tears I cry I cry for me,
In selfish pride my tears flow.
I know this doesn't have to be;
It doesn't and this I know.

But when He cried His bitter tears
He wept with grief, not shame.
He payed for sins of all the years,
And still we mocked His name.

Our Lord and Savior took the blow,
He sacrificed His life, in love.
We murmur as we reap and sow,
While He looks pitying from above.

Red yellow orange brown and gray;
These are not the colors of May.
Leaves and pine needles on trees so tall,
Yes, these are colors of the melting fall.
Some will say it looks dreary and dead.
They wish for cheerier seasons ahead.
This season of colors so serious and warm
Holds promise of tranquility after the storm.
A symbol of death in beauty falling down;
In piles gathered making a crown.
Death to self given for life from above:
So much less than we give for His love.
Beauty for ashes and joy on the 'morrow;

The bells are tolling,
but I do not hear their sound.
I am caught up in something
so much more profound.

I see women weeping
with men of solemn face,
but I do not feel as they do,
wrapped in arms of grace.

A whispered silence falls,
like the heads of those that bow,
but oh, if they could only see
the rejoicing around me now!

They would hear a mighty chorus
and the dazzling colors see.
Then they too would rejoice,
for death is only the beginning of eternity.

Wonderful counselor, almighty God;
Beginning and ending: creator of time.
You are the comforter and the rod;
Yet your punishment is deserved by far.
Your grace reaches farther than I imagine,
Your truth will be upheld through trials.
Though your truth threatens my life
I will remain true, by your grace I will stand.
I want to feel Your peace, know Your love,
I want to understand Your grace,
To use my life for Your glory; to save a life,
Lay down my liberty, if I need to.
When I think of the murder of babies,

Come to me at the old oak tree,
Where the ravens dawdle and play.
Come to me at the old oak tree,
When the world has gone black and grey.

Remember there, the old oak tree?
As children we played and laughed.
Remember me, at the old oak tree?
The day I died and left.

Forever, you promised at the old oak tree.
"Forever! Beyond!" you would say.
I cry as I wait at the old oak tree,
For the love lost in a day.

Love is patient, love is kind,
It is not a word, not a mime.
Love is not a feeling, big, or small,
It's something more, if I recall.
There is no greater love than this:
What?! To die? Not give a kiss?
T'was with a kiss Christ was betrayed,
Soon before He His true love displayed.
It was on a cross that my Lord died,
T'was His love for me that pierced His side.
God sent down His only Son,
And He the victory has won.
The dove was the sign sent from above;
The sacrifice was His destiny of love.

But you, you
You are the hole in my chest
The missing piece to my puzzle
The coffee in my mug
The rhythm in my step
The crack in my world.

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ EITHER GREATER LOVE OR A STRONG FAITH THEN DONT READ THIS UNTIL YOU HAVE. :D