We, the people (referring to dwarves, of course), in order to perfect Middle Earth, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for Middle Earth.
We find these proofs self-evident, that all people are not created equal, as there are five categories: Dwarves, Humans, Hobbits, Wizards, and Elves; and that Elves be the lowest of them all.

Dark the shadows flee
Amid the empty valley
Grass shriveled, dead, dreary
Rocks ring hollow memories

Deep voices lost in stone
Silenced, the children’s moans
Durin’s kin dispersed alone
Lost, the hammer’s low tones

Came thither the dragon red
Flame, smoke, ruin, dread
Followed the wind, his breath
Hovered under his malicious head

Ruin he brought there
The Lonely Mountain bare
Smaug upon his bed rare
Gold, rubies, emeralds, fair

If Middle-Earth Entered the 21st Century…
· Frodo would sue the Counsel of Elrond for pain, suffering, and failure to disclose information.
· Tom Bombadil would be institutionalized or become a cult leader.
· Beorn the shape-changer would become a spokesman for human-ursine relations.
· Departed elves would replace “dead white males” as objects of blame.
· Eowyn would command the Rohyrrim, wile Eomer married Ghan-Bur-Ghan’s daughter.
· The Shire and the Elven kingdoms would receive carbon credits from Sauron and Saruman.

I sit with pen and ink in hand,
Before me, pages white;
My mind is filled with visions grand
As I begin to write.

My thoughts depart my cluttered floor
And leave my earthly home,
And take instead to wond’ring o’er
The places legends roam.

My eye now rich, deep beauty finds
In curling scripts, and tongue,
The kind devised by Elven minds
When Middle-Earth was young.

I hear the ring of pick and ax!
Beneath the mountain deep,
Before the evil one attacks;
While Sauron’s hoards still sleep.