Note: It’s more fun if you read it out loud in his voice.

Dr. Heinz Doofenschmirtz on the subject of teenagers:

The problem with teenagers is that they never talk to their parents. My daughter Vanessa will not even look at me when she talks. I made an Eye-ContactInator Ray but then it… misfired… and it was like awkward. And even then all Vanessa said was, "You’re staring at me… it’s weird. Give me three guesses. Perry. The." And I [lied], "Why no. No it wasn’t." So she rolled her eyes and I was back to the drawing board.