....By, Two Previously Exceedingly Bored Girls

An approximately eighteen year old girl lived in the basement of an evil old mad scientist. She could not speak, but had a brother who could understand her sign language. He interpreted for her to the evil old mad scientist who did not listen anyway.

She was the subject of his experiments and so had blue skin and pink eyes. One day, the evil old mad scientist decided to see if he could switch her eye and hair color; because he succeeded, she now had pink skin and blue eyes.

The scientist now found her so beautiful that he resolved to marry her; with or without the girl’s consent. She was so appalled by this, that she in turn resolved to escape. Her future looked bleak. The basement’s only door was locked and her confining cell’s only window was so small that nothing greater in size than a mouse could fit through it. Since the mad scientist did not want to lower himself to servanthood, the brother of the girl with pink skin and blue eyes made and delivered her meals.

To assist her avoidance of her impending doom, one evening the boy slipped the key to the basement door into her mashed potatoes. Since the key was in the mashed potatoes, the basement door was left unlocked to the girl with the pink skin and blue eyes set the key neatly on the windowsill and walked up the stairs and out the back door into the world. Having been confined to the basement for her entire life, she found the sight that met her eyes quite bewildering.

In due time, her aimless wandering brought her to the shop of a kindly baker who took pity on the beautiful, speechless girl and apprenticed her to himself to learn his trade. She became famous for her exceptionally delectable donuts. As fate would have it, the baker had a boy who was exceedingly homely. In a short while, the exceedingly homely young man found himself to be in love with the pink-skinned, blue-eyed girl. The girl in question found this to be highly discomfiting so she gathered together her meager possessions and set off into the wilderness.

During her lonely travels, she encountered a similarly lonely large, black beetle which she trained to jump through hoops and spit fire. Soon after this was accomplished, she and the beetle found themselves on the edge of a large town where she became famous for her small, amazing friend. She soon acquired enough money from her performing beetle to rent a small room. Because people were not meant to be alone, she was lonely and created a scarecrow which she dressed in her second-best cloak.

Three boys peeped through three holes in her wall to watch her one day, intrigued as they were with the beautiful beetle-trainer. However, to their dismay, the boys found that she had set her scarecrow directly in front of their holes, so they could see nothing, and all they could hear was the faint sound of her hands occasionally touching each other as she talked to the scarecrow in sign language.

Now the Baker’s boy, angry that the pink-skinned blue-eyed girl had scorned his undying devotion, set out to find the pink-skinned blue-eyes girl to ask why. As he was strolling along one day in a large town in an alley, he encountered three protruding rear ends sticking out from a wall. Experimentally, he prodded one with his toe, stepping out of the way as it turned around revealing a grimy lad with a ring of dirt around one eye. He asked the three boys, identifiable by the rings of dirt around their left eyes, what it was that they were doing. They said their names were Tom, and it was in their nature to peep at girls, however, this girl, who was the famous pink-skinned blue-eyes beetle trainer had placed a cloth-covered object over their peep-holes and all they could hear was a faint sound now and then.

Upon hearing their voices, the pink-skinned blue-eyed girl peeked out of the door and discovered, to her dismay, that she had been discovered by the exceedingly homely baker’s boy. She fled, leaving behind all her newfound possessions and her poor, forgotten beetle friend who was so distraught at her desertion that it spat fire at the four young men, scarring them horribly. The girl ran until night, finally collapsing on a garbage heap. She was awakened in the early morning by a two-year-old angrily poking her in the ribs.

The two had great trouble in communication in the beginning as neither could speak, and they both used different forms of sign language. In time, they came to an understanding and learned one another’s sign language. One day, as they lay on the garbage heap, the two-year-old looked up and saw one of the Peeping Toms peeping around the corner. He was terrified by the scarring on the unfortunate Tom’s face, and emitted a piercing shriek, which scared the offending Tom away.

The pink-skinned blue-eyed girl took hope that she too might find her voice through a traumatic experience and so the two-year-old and the pink-skinned blue-eyed girl began to travel, thrill-seeking. Regrettably, all their adventures only got them fame as dare-devils, and a sore throat for the now-three-year-old from all the screaming.

As a last resort, in total desperation, the pink-skinned blue-eyed girl decided to go through the most terrifying experience she could possibly imagine. An arranged marriage. So, she sent out telegrams pretending to be her father, attempting to arrange a marriage between herself and random young men. While she was thus preoccupied, the exceedingly homely young man discovered the magic of plastic surgery.

Armed with his new handsomeness, the previously exceedingly homely baker’s boy set out once more in search of his beloved; the pink-skinned blue eyed girl. One day, after a long a fruitless search, he went home and found a telegram, addressed to himself, on the kitchen table asking if he would be agreeable to an arranged marriage to a certain young lady. Out of curiosity, he agreed to meet the young lady.

So, at a pre-arranged time, at a pre-arranged place, wearing pre-arranged clothing, the pink-skinned blue-eyed girl and the previously exceedingly homely baker’s boy met. He recognized her on sight-mildly surprised by the three-year-old at her side-and gasped out to her the truth of his love for her. She immediately recognized his voice and in great astonishment, she screamed.