I pulled into the drive and found a spot to park my car. I took the key out of the ignition and put it in my purse. I looked at my hands, palms up. They were shaking and sweating like crazy. I clenched them into fists to steady them and gritted my teeth.
"You can do this," I whispered to myself. "It'll be better this way."
I wasn't convinced by my own words but I pulled the handle on my door to get out of the car anyway. I saw the protesters that had tried to wave me over when I first pulled in. I shuddered after seeing the signs they held. I thought, "How could they?!" Pictures of twisted and mangled bodies. Signs that said "Babies murdered here" and "Their blood, not yours" in their hands. I started walking to the entrance of the building. After I saw a girl about my age walking up to me I wished I had parked closer. She was wearing a denim skirt and a pretty sweater. She looked like she had been crying. She said "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
I looked over her shoulder at the signs with graphic pictures of mangled babies. I shuddered and then shrugged and nodded my head.
"Are you going in for an abortion?" She asked it point-blank. Something inside me tore and I blurted out "They told me it wasn't really a baby! They said it's just like, tissue, or something." But I was crying. The girl looked me in the eye and gently said, "But you know it's a baby, right?"
I gulped down my sobs and nodded. I felt so miserable.
"Then you know it's murder."
It was a statement, not a question. And she was right. I knew.
"How old are you?"
"18."
"Can I tell you a story?"
"Sure." I nodded.
"My mom was gonna abort me. She was 18 at the time. Single, her parents threatened to kick her out if she went through with the pregnancy. She came to this very clinic and she would have gone through with the abortion. But on the way in she promised herself that if just one person attempted to talk her out of it she would keep me. A young guy was there street-preaching for the first time and he decided to try and talk to her. He offered her help from his church and she excepted. That guy became my dad. I'm 18 now. Mom says she hasn't ever regretted keeping me. Not for a split second."
I was crying. My parents had cussed me and threatened to kick me out if I kept the baby. There wasn't a boyfriend in the picture. I had been raped. I was about to tell the girl that I just couldn't keep the baby when the escort lady came up and put her hand on my elbow.
She said, "Right this way ma'am. I'll walk you in."
I got mad. She didn't have a right to stop me when I was talking to this girl. I looked her square in the eye and I said "You're too late. I was just leaving."
The lady backed off and muttered something about calling the girl in for interference.
I started crying even more and the girl hugged me close and started praying for me, asking God to bless my baby. She asked if I would walk over and meet her parents and her pastor. So we headed over to the group of protesters and I remember to this day the look of joy in the girl's eyes when she announced "We have a save!"
There were shouts of praise to God and excited hops from some the other girls there. The girl's mother hugged me and talked to me for a while. They invited me to stay in their home for a while if I needed it. I called my parents right there and told them about my decision. They told me to come get my stuff and get out. I cried a little bit more but overall I felt more relieved than not. My parents had not been very involved in my life from the very beginning.
The girl offered to go with me to my parents house and help. I was happy to jump on the offer because to be honest I was scared of my parents. The girl told me that her name was Maggie. I love that name. While we were in the car I told Maggie about how I came to be at the abortion clinic. She cried with me. It felt so good to actually talk to someone that understood and sympathized.
I moved in with Maggie and her parents for what I thought would be a short time. I wound up living with them permanently. I named my son Jonathan which means "Whom Jehovah has given" and have never regretted keeping him to this day. It's his 18th birthday.
I wrote this wondering how I would feel/react/think if I were a young girl getting an abortion. I know that this could be considered unrealistic but I have heard so many stories of girls deciding to keep their babies, girls being taken in to live with a family that wanted to care for them, and other stories like that. So really nothing is impossible with God. :) Let me know if you have any thoughts!
Comments
Thank you very much, Cody. It
Thank you very much, Cody.
It took me somewhere between 15 and 30 minutes to write it.
I'm always thinking of ways to stretch my stories out...the thing about that is it takes time. :) but yes, I would like to do that.
Thanks again!
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.
Sun, 11/29/2015 - 07:06
In reply to Thank you very much, Cody. It by Damaris Ann
Elusive Time
Hah, yes. . . Writing takes time, and somehow it tends to always feel like there is not enough of it!
Nice! That's impressive. I tend to wander the time and dedication it takes other writers to finish their work(s). Thanks for the info :)
Isn't it funny how writing just comes together at times and flows really well? And then other times it seems to take hours to write a little? haha Just how it goes I suppose. . .
Romans 10:4
It always feels like there is
It always feels like there is not enough time. I guess you have to make time. For me, I always get an idea when I'm supposed to be doing something else so I type out a few sentences on my phone (to try and help myself remember) and then I can't stop typing. :) so I suppose that some would consider that a waste of time...But to me it's worth it. :)
Yes, it is funny how that works. I have some stories that took several days to write and others that just take minutes. There are a few that I have spent weeks on and they are still not any closer to being done. But that is from pure laziness. I didn't like the stories as much as other ideas I had so I shove them to the back burner...I should probably pull them forward again. :)
I hope you are having a blessed day in the Lord!
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.
This is definitely a
This is definitely a sensitive subject, and not everyone may agree, but I will say your writing has come a long way! Mine did the same thing, when I joined this site, and it's still evolving--that's the lovely thing about writing, I suppose.
But anyway, like Cody Clark said, your pacing was good. Your dialogue was well-done, and your storytelling has developed as well! My only critique would be that you still do quite a bit of telling instead of showing. The best example I can give is this:
I got mad. She didn't have a right to stop me when I was talking to this girl. I looked her square in the eye and I said "You're too late. I was just leaving."
I think the "looked her square in the eye" part is good, and it makes me visualize the character raising her head, clenching her teeth. That sort of innate strong, resolved expression. But instead of just saying, "I got mad" you could do something like this:
I felt a red-hot spark within me. How dare she stop me when I was talking to this girl. She had no right! I looked her square in the eye....
Anyway, just a suggestion! It's tricky to get into the habit of automatically writing like that, but the more you practice, the easier it'll come. And you don't have to do that every time, either, but there's a balance between the two that can be found.
Nice work!
Thank you, Homey. I know that
Thank you, Homey.
I know that I tend to do more telling than showing but I wonder, does that mean that my writing skills are not the best or does it mean that I have my own writing style?
Thank you again for your lovely comment, I'm so glad that my writing is improving. I have all of you here on AP to thank for that. :)
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.
I second what Erin said
I second what Erin said wholeheartedly! It's not any critique upon your personal writing style, but the mechanics used in it. The showing vs telling is akin to the engine of a car, if you want to use a metaphor. It makes the car run, but it doesn't change the appearance any. I definitely think there's a way you could further your use of that and still retain the same writing style! It's just a way of strengthening it, really! :) Like I said, you've come far!
Good job! Your writing has
Good job! Your writing has improved leaps and bounds. I will respond, though, to your question about showing vs. telling being a writing style or a skill to improve. In general, the reader is a lot more engaged if you show more. It makes us FEEL it more, so we become more connected to the story and to the character. I think it really plays into character development. We may understand what's going on if you tell us, but it plays with our mind and engages us more deeply if it's shown. Some writers are more visceral and show more, and some tell more, but usually there is a balance between the two. Again, good job on this. :)
"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond
Thank you girls, both of you.
Thank you girls, both of you. I'll see if I can tweak it bit.
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.
Damari, I just wanted to say
Damari, I just wanted to say I was really impressed when I read this a long time ago. You really, really improved! Great descriptions, thought and feeling - and the ending was perfect. Great style.
As for the content, this would be very touchy for some people because each person has a different story - and often it's very sad and it's probably very tough to make a decision to go to a clinic...so this would need to be written very wisely if you know what I mean. But it's true that it's murder, and you know, it would be more beautiful and impacting if you would find and interview a real person who went through it - and base it on her.
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
In a way I did interview
In a way I did interview people. I've read many articles and personal testimonies of people who have been to clinics/had an abortion. I've even asked questions if people who have had abortions. I've stood in front of abortion clinics and talked to the people going in. When I wrote this I was trying to think about how I would feel if I were in that situation. So the girl's personality in the situation is based off of how I would react. If that makes sense...
Thank you so much for your comment! It made my day. :)
I wanted to add: I don't mean to sound defensive or anything. I'm just explaining. :) the abortion issue is something that I have been concerned about for a long time. I wish to be a councilor in crisis-pregnancy situations someday if God allows it.
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.
An important read
I like it! It's well crafted and precise. You captured this reader quickly. The way you flesh out the story is just right, in my opinion. It wasn't too wordy, nor was it too simple. I'm curious as to know how long it took you to write the piece? But yah, overall, I really like it! I completely agree with your stance on abortion :) Great job, and good word usage/description.
One thing also. . . . I think done right, this story could be unwrapped and extended, going into the details of the girl's life, making it a more lengthy read. Just an opinion :)
Romans 10:4