We’ve all heard of Abraham Lincoln and what he did to abolish slavery. Did you know, though, that he wasn’t the first president to hold that stance? After John Quincy Adams served as the 6th president of America, he became a member of the House of Representatives and spent his time fighting slavery. (Fox) However, Lincoln receives more attention because he was successful while Adams wasn’t. And this is a tendency I have; to determine someone’s importance by what they’re doing and whether or not they’re successful.

Sin, suffering, and sorrow
My three deepest fears
The three enemies of my faith
Tearing and being torn
Swearing and being mourned
Death on the horizon, I
See the third fear, and
Am surmising
That soon I must
Say goodbye
And my world will go on
Where his ended
My life will move on
Where his didn’t
And then from that pain I turn
I see another man
Who’s life was burned
By the first enemy
By his own choice he
Destroyed a name
He squandered his voice
To play a game

Oft there come these pitch black nights
Untouched by heaven’s perfect lights
And in those nights we fail to see
Lost in darkness, but alone by no means

For lights soon prick the canvas, black
And with their beams loneliness lack
But carry with them friends, or love
They come with Truth the dark to prove

So lose not hope in blackest dark night
But pray until you see the light
For clarity accompanies luminescence
And faith shines forth in clarity’s presence

I gazed upon the sky above
Lost in thoughts of life and love
I missed the moon in darkness’ depths
But saw a shooting star instead

I sat, waiting for moon’s face to appear
But alas no friend to me was near
And yet the stars still smiled down
Like company, the silence crowned

And darkness covered me like a mask
Covering me like the smile I daily taxed
While still no moon made the quiet speak
My eyes overflowed and flooded my cheeks

Father, give us faith.
We love you, or say we do, when convenient,
Working hard to serve when visible, yet tending to lag when alone.

We so often complain about the complacency of others --
But truly are ourselves complacent.
We do not devote ourselves enough to your Word,
Either in reading or obeying.
We do not pray as we ought.
We do not trust you enough.
We do not find you our ultimate rest, instead idolizing other things.
We do not consider you worthy of our all.

Forgive us.

It’s the moments when
Pain settles in my spine
And hovers around my cerebral
Cortex
Causing my intestines
To shake
That I realize
How weak I truly am
I’m letting down my teenage dreams
Of me
I’m not Wonder Woman
I can only sit still
While shaking
But maybe strength
Is more than being able to run
Or to fight
Maybe strength is resignation
To the inevitable
Saying
“I can’t walk today”
And being okay with that
Maybe strength is
Finding things to be

Crying in the shower at the end
Of the day
Over old heartbreak
Or perhaps
Current pain
But when the water calms
And my tears are washed away
I slip into my bed
Like my fears slipped down the drain
But not every fear or burden
Feels like it’s gone away
For I am only human
And I’ve had the longest day
So I beg for mercy
And pray for thankfulness
Hoping that each part of me
Will be fully cleansed
So bless the Lord, oh
My soul
And forget not His
What?
His benefits

I started off the year I turned 20 on a somewhat hopeful note. I had learned to let go of my demons, but yet they still haunted me. My depression was better, but it was still there. In February of 2018 (two months before my 20th birthday) I hit an all-time low. I was becoming more and more sick, and had fallen to the point where I could no longer work out or do any of my normal exercise.
If in one unfortunate moment
You took everything that I own
Everything you've given from heaven above
And everything that I've ever known

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold
The year that I turned 19 was the darkest year of my life. Not the hardest; the darkest. I was still reeling from my breakup the previous year, and I was stuck in a deep slough of murky depression. The fog was so thick that on most days I felt like I was suffocating. Drowning, even.
When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I must do it
On my own
But I have no energy
Motivation wasted on
My sick body
Still I must do it
On my own
I must accomplish
What I’ve begun
My mind is angry
Frustrated by lack of ability
While lack of motion is
Fraught with despair
Still I try to do it
On my own
Til I fall down to my broken knees
Shouting aloud and
Voicing my bitterness
While I ask why I can’t do it
On my own
And that Still Small Voice
Cries into my ear
That it is not given to me