I: Finding
they say it's a time
to find yourself
come into your own
but what if I lose myself
amid the chaos
the changing
of everything I know
will who I am now
like who I become
I'm so scared
of becoming lost.

II: Gosh, Girl
I hate the way I miss you so much
and you barely seem to miss me
I hate the way he told me that story
and not you
I hate the way I can't stop wondering about what you're doing
and that I'm so terrified of being replaced
I hate that I feel so dependent on you
I hate this second-guessing, late-night-worrying, doldrums-causing
because of you
gosh, girl
I miss you
and I'm so scared
about moving away
please need me as much as I need you
please, girl
don't let me lose you

III:saying goodbye
saying goodbye
hurts me more than you guess
and I'm terrified
and I'm excited
and I'm not sure I want this
yet I want it the most
something I've dreamed of
for so long
finally coming true
and yet
the bittersweet taste it leaves
oh!
the hidden tears
and insecurities
the mounting fears
the face shown to the world
is a brave one
naive, perhaps
giddy
and it's all true
but it's not all of the truth

IV: replacements
I've been replaced
more times than both hands
can count
I've come to terms with the past
but that doesn't lessen the future
the present
the realizations
the looming loneliness
hurt creeping inside
as I try to decipher
the hurt that grows
as I try to let go
can't hold forever
forever is a long time
I thought we'd be here
for a long time

V: Photographs and Labels
looking at pictures
only a few months old
yet somehow
the me in the picture seems so young
and the I that I am now seems old
older
not yet an adult
but no longer a child
like the girl in the photograph
so I float here
as no label fits
it chafes, a bit
not fitting
but, at the same time
having no labels
floating beyond labels
is incredibly freeing