Dear friends of the world-that-is-your-own-and-not-mine,

How odd it is to turn -32. The troubles of this world seem hardly surmountable at this age in life. Each three-hundred-and-sixty-five days, poor me, but I lose one year of my life. That’s how negatives work, you see. -33 become -32, and -32 become -31, and so on. I know, you are thinking “wouldn’t that mean she gains a year?” Ah! You are thinking in terms of your world. In mine, things work…a bit backwards from yours. I think.

The year of -33 was a happy year. Many struggles fell to my lot, of course, but they were not so bad as the year -37. Oh me! What a year that was! Falling in love, keeping secrets, becoming…younger. Well! Thank goodness it’s over and now it is -5 years hence. (Which, in essence, means 5 years hence – in your world. I think.)

But -32 is not such an odd number. Though, now I recollect, it is rather significant. In -16 years, I shall be -16! (Which would not make sense to you as that would mean I was 0, but you must learn to think in my terms.) -16 is that wonderful age, commonly called “half-way”. It means that I will be halfway through life, I think. (But, you see, the math does not add up if you think too hard about it. That is why I never think in terms of math. They are too confusing.)

Ah, but back to -32. What I really wanted to say was that I am so glad you have all accepted my party invitations and hope that you will bring many gifts suitable for one so young as I. And please do not forget to bring a fork – for the cake, you see. We are rather low on forks, owing, I think, to my sister’s habit of stealing them and hiding them in her room. No matter. If you will bring the forks and the presents, we will have a grand time!

Hopefully the year -32 will turn out just as grand as the year -33.

Your humble and considerate friend,

Insensi T.V.T.