Smiling For You You walk in the front door and see me smiling when I turn and look at you “I forgot something,” You say, and run back out or you plop down on the couch put on a season of Gilmore Girls Whether you walk out or stay inside Make yourself at home You have certainly done more toward that end than I   Remember the day I walked in the couch was piled high with blankets and pillows blocking the hall beds in various states of reassembly? All I wanted to do was slice my pomegranate and eat the scarlet seeds Not that I’m complaining It’s much nicer now that I can sit up in bed and the rearrangement feels much more like home But did it have to be on a Thursday?   I had only 3 hours between class and supper had to clean the kitchen before my tutoring session and the couch was right in front of the sink I got it done but even so—   You know what? I’m going to tell you a secret Are you ready? I don’t think so But here is the secret I was going to tell you   …I was crying when you walked in and now the smallest thing -the least hint of criticism the smallest touch (but we never hug) --would burst the dam holding these tears   If you were someone else I could cry now But though we’ve lived together a hundred days and more, I don’t feel safe crying with you If you can’t even cry at home because you’ll be surprised by someone walking in Don’t look too closely Or I will cry   Three reasons to cry in someone’s presence 1.       You can’t stand them 2.       You aren’t ashamed of tears 3.       You feel safe with them Well, #1 is an exaggeration #2 might have been true in my younger days But as for #3….   I am a royal blue crayon in a box of neon markers I want to be real but I am clay molded into a clown smiling for you