Did you know a Shadow can have shadow?
I do.
I found that at 9:40 pm.
While being shone on by the Moon.
I held up my hand, and placed it on the door.
And instead of finding one shadow, I found instead four!
My finger moved up one
The Shadows followed soon
Then down left and up right
Those Shadows followed too!
When the door was finally opened, the Shadows have finally left
And I crept up the stairs into my bed.
And I see the Moon's light from the window
The shadows bobbed, to and fro.
The Moon's bright light slowly shows.
This is kinda like my first poem I've ever written... any of yall poets please help me out. Also, I'm NOT a poet so don't expect me to do any more cause I kinda don't like doing it. I just wanted to do this one cause.. (shrug)
Comments
Mon, 12/02/2013 - 02:58
In reply to Really quite good. It brings by Lucy Anne
Lucyanne
Thanks. The last poem I had written was 4 Darius's dedication... THREE YEARS AGO!!!!!
"The trip is a difficult one. I will not be myself when I reach you."-When I Reach Me.
Mon, 12/02/2013 - 03:07
In reply to Really quite good. It brings by Lucy Anne
Also
P.S. I forgot 2 give the Nisly's "Joey's Story". :( how was your story?
"The trip is a difficult one. I will not be myself when I reach you."-When I Reach Me.
Three years ago? I didn't
Three years ago? I didn't know.
I erased the rest of my comment, and emailed it, since it doesn't have much to do with this poem, but your comment.
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Good poem!
The only thing I don't like, is the two exclamation marks. But that's more of a pet peeve of mine, so there's nothing actually wrong with it, and I think they actually suited this subject in the poem...if you get me?!
If you write other dramatic or serious poems, I wouldn't put exclamation marks in. :D
Overall, great first try! And I DO want more...
Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh
Really quite good. It brings
Really quite good. It brings a dark, shadowy, but moon-like picture in my mind. The only things are you don't need a comma after "bobbed" and I think that the last line's "slowly" almost marrs the perfectness of this poem. I just think you shouldn't have put an -ly word in such a descriptive poem. Sorry I didn't comment earlier; I forgot all about this.
Edit: Also, this was actually a pretty good first. I was surprised to see a poem from you, especially since you don't like poetry. Guess this is how Apricotpie affects all of us - now most of us all are turned-poetry-appreciators/lovers? :)
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson