DISCLAIMER: Mild language, edited out with asterisks :).

Monday.
At 1:15am the moon will rise over a greenish Uranus, I don’t know what to say to him, I say I’m in love but yet I hate these awkward pauses, football football farmer’s almanac, maybe I’m not as desperate as I thought, yes he is attractive and wonderful, but this is sort of liberating, we’re just friends I am declaring it as true.

So, a lot's changed since my last post on here.I suppose the best way to provide an update is to post my most recent tumblr update.
It's hard to remember warmth. It's hard to remember summer. There is only the crunch of snow masking the crunch of leaves underfoot, and the leaves above waiting to make a sandwich with the snow.

It's happening. I'm leaving. I'm becoming a storybook character. I'm moving away - far away. I know one person there. I will be starting all over. This is something I've always kind of wanted to do, and I am terrified. And I can't wait. What is it about me that makes me want to throw my entire life into the craziest venture I can come up with? Because this is insane. Truly and certifiably so. And I'm doing it. I am. You can't change my mind. An army of tanks led by a cannibalistic group of Nazis couldn't. But oh, I am so scared.
And yet here I come.

Monday.
He made things happen for me today
His blue eyes smiled from dawn till dusk
He told me I’d do good things
I believed him and I still do
I’m on cloud nine right now
I’m feeling so much less empty
Not so alone
Things are finally coming together.

Tuesday.
I like my new friends
I’m busy
All the time
With school, with work
They fit into my schedule
Conveniently
Like puzzle pieces

1. First Dates
I’ll never forget the first time he ran his hand through my hair. I was engulfed in the way he looked at me: like I was a treasure, like I meant something. I’ll remember the chilly autumn air and the shudder in my bones when his chapped lips met mine. I’ll remember how embarrassed I was when I pulled away from him in surprise. “Nonono, I didn’t mean to, do it again!” I recall crying, shoving my hands in my pockets. I remember how he laughed at me and after a period of begging, he kissed me again with his chapped lips and I didn’t pull away.

Might as well have stuffed explosives down my throat 
They've found a way to blow up my heart
An elephant is sleeping on my chest and it won't listen to me, it won't get
off
The scent of the end has wafted in through my window
We are going to decay
Like a dead mouse hidden by undergrowth
Hold on tight, it's almost over.

Since others also seem to be catching the omgimgettingolderialmosthavenochildhoodleftwhyamisoangstyidontknowwhatiwantanymore bug, I figured that I would toss in my two cents on the subject.
Ever since I was about twelve, I’ve known what I wanted to do with my life. You know what’s funny is that I don’t even remember what that was anymore.

1. Snapshots
I sometimes wish I could catch
those special moments with a camera
plant them in my mind and never stop seeing them
replay them over and over in my head
you are beautiful
when you look at me that way
my heart does things that a human heart shouldn’t
have the ability to do while I’m still breathing
like stop for a few breaths
then let it go again
please just let me
love you like you know I can

I fall as do the shooting stars:
brilliant, beautiful, and short lived.
Lives full of passion are rarely long.
I want to land on Mars,
climb K2 and have survived,
be elderly but still strong.

But accidents do happen;
no one’s luck lasts forever.
My time will come.
At the moment when
I cannot be clever
and my life is done

To be aware is my wish,
not foolishly hoping
for improbable miracles.
For my courage I’ll fish,
a song of bravery sing,
for the spirit is indomitable.

Mirrored

Starring out through the sparkling glass to
glimpse the world which lays beyond it. To see a
cheerful young girl, rolling down a soft
Hill. Her giggles floating on

the whispering breeze, to
the ears of a beauty waiting
for the right moment to jump off
the cold stone ledge and fly.

To fly just above the terrified
damsel who is wallowing in the mire of
self pity. Sinking deeper every
moment, never glancing up