Does it have to happen again? It feels like I just got over one wave, and now an even bigger one is coming crashing down on top of me.

I thought this was over. I thought it would never come again. I believed that I wouldn't have to go back through those awful emotions again.

It was not meant to be. It was too real to be true.

I am not a pessimist, but right now, I cannot see you.

Are you there amidst the pain? Or am I alone here?

It seems that everyone else has such an easy time of it. I'm the one trying hard to be good, and the one everyone says is a great person, but I'm the one laying on the ground bleeding. Heavily.

Are you there? Or are you just a pigment of my imagination? I need to know. I need to feel You.

But alas, I cannot feel you. Even though I cannot, my dear Jesus, my dear Lord and Savior:

I believe you are there.

I believe you will help me through the pain.

I know you will help me through the pain.

And then the pain will be finished.

Over.