Sitting there, a flashback comes. He's laughing at something a friend says, looking so young, strong, so vibrant. Another, he's starting to break a horse and I know that he's indestructible, because, what could ever hurt him? His muscles ripple as he pounds a nail into the wall, he's building a shop with his two hands. I know he's a real man. I see him cry, as he speaks with his heavenly Father. As he worships his Maker.
And I know, he's a real man. He's my strong pillar, my rock. I'm never scared when I'm with him. Burglars tremble at his name. The bad guys run at the very thought of him, if at least to me. My personal hero, my superman, but with no Kryptonite. I know he'll always be there, to scare my future boyfriends, to walk me down the aisle and give my to me husband to keep safe, to be there for me in my life's storms.
Suddenly, the unspeakable, impossible, unfathomable, happens. He's hurt, his heart is not right. He must go away and get fixed. But still I know he will be alright. I trust that he will never fall. I know God will save him.
I sleep, comforted.
Morning comes and mama's home. I think that he must be alright, so excited I run to hear when he'll be home. Mama's on the phone, won't talk to me, I am confused, why are so many people calling? I turn and see Bethie, tears running down her face. At that moment, my heart died. A fountain of grief comes,I can not believe it. He CANNOT be gone. I can not, will not think it,but it's true- he's dead. Time goes by, I try and move on. Outside I'm happy, everyone thinks I'm over it. But night comes and I have to stop talking, laughing, running, sometime. And then I cry myself to sleep, and wake up with tears on my cheeks. But more time goes by and I do move on. I still love him with a fierceness but I know that tears will not bring him back. Instead, I live life to it's fullest, and glow with joy when someone says he would be proud of me. But then, Father's Day comes, and once again tonight, I will cry myself to sleep thinking of him, and wake up with tears on my cheeks.