"I just read the most curious article, dear," Matthew said as he took a freshly-baked gingersnap from the rack.

His wife raised an eyebrow with a smile. "What about?"

"A house," Matthew said through a mouthful of cookie. "Inhabited by gremlins."

"Gremlins?" Anne's tone was somewhere between curious and disbelieving.

"Tiny men, I think."

"A fiction, then."

Matthew shook his head and put the rest of the gingersnap in his mouth. "Something local -fairly local, anyway. They're outside city limits, but closer to us than any other town."

"What makes the newspaper think people will believe in a gremlin-inhabited house?"

Matthew shrugged and took another cookie.

"The house itself sounds interesting. The picture caption said it was built in the 1700s, and has only been updated to include electricity."

"You want to visit?" Anne said with a twinkle in her eye.

"Of course."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 "Look at this, Ethel," Amelia pointed to the eighth page of the newspaper. "Did you send that in?"

Her short friend glanced over her shoulder.

"Yup."

Amelia paused, then looked up with an air of mock injury.

"You left out the basement, the closet under the stairs, and most of the backyard. The pet room and gremlin nursery don't get nearly enough description."

Ethel grinned as she flopped down on her bed -which hadn't been made for a few weeks now.

"I just wanted to have a bit of fun, not bring a government inspection."

They were silent for a few minutes -Amelia glancing over the daily comics, Ethel sipping at yet another cup of tea and writing, occasionally stopping to mutter something about uncooperative characters.

A distant knock made them both glance up, at each other, and back down to their respective activities. Elbert could get it.

A few seconds later there came a half-stifled exclamation of surprise. Amelia and Ethel looked at each other again, snickered, then burst into laughter.

"You want to get it this time?" Ethel held up her half-empty cup. "I'll be down later."

Amelia rolled off her bed, looked at her wrinkled T-shirt and jeans, shrugged, and took her empty teacup towards the door.

Their visitor -a man who looked to be in his mid-twenties -was still staring at their butler, Elbert. Elbert had skin that was slightly tinted green and was about a foot and a half tall -positively humongous by gremlin standards -and enough of a visual shock to uncover any facade their visitors might have had.

Amelia hid a smile behind her hand, then quickly put on a straight face as she descended the stairs. The creaks seemed to snap the man out of a daze.

"Hello?" Amelia asked, stepping off the stairs and holding out her hand.

"Uh -hello!" the man shook it, still looking slightly confused.

"You are?"

"Matthew -Matthew Connor."

"Amelia Armand."

"Miss Armand -um, my wife and I live in town and I saw the newspaper article. I was curious about it ....uh, would you mind, well ...giving me a tour?" He hesitantly glanced at Elbert, who was wearing his customary dignified smirk.

Amelia suppressed her own smirk and nodded affably.

"Just pardon the defense preparations. We're getting ready for a bit of a tussle."

"Tussle?"

"With the anti-human ones. Where do you want to start your tour? Want a cup of tea? Or are you the coffee type?"

"Uh -well, tea's fine."

"The kitchen's this way," Amelia waved to the left of the doorway. "Watch your step. Elbert hasn't cleaned up that potted plant yet."

Matthew very carefully followed Amelia into the next room. "Who's Elbert?"

Amelia looked back at the oversized gremlin. "The butler."

Matthew decided to not pursue the subject further. His attention was soon fixed on the kitchen. Compared to what he'd seen of the yard and foyer, it was fairly clean, the only exception being right next to the sink and stove where pots and pans were stacked in an uneven tower. Something smelled faintly of burnt marshmallow, cherry, gardenia, and clam chowder mixed together.

Amelia noticed his confused expression and smiled.

"We were whipping up a batch of Zephyranthes atamasco/Coeloglossum viride extract yester -well, this morning, come to think of it. Haven't noticed any ill effects yet. What kind of tea would you like?"

True to the article, the huge cupboard was arranged with mathematical precision. Matthew decided on Vanilla Caramel while his hostess took a tin labeled with white paper and black Sharpie, 'Blueberry Cinnamon Strawberry Cappuccino Bee Balm Mint'.

"What's ...that from?"

"Oh, Ethel mixed it up for us. We like custom blends."

"Who's Ethel?"

"The other human who lives here."

Matthew looked at her curiously.

"Your sister?"

"In everything but blood," Amelia grinned. "Cream or sugar?"

Matthew was about to answer when a crash resounded from behind the far wall.

"Don't mind them. Gordy's probably building them a fort again. Cream or sugar?"

Matthew decided to refrain from asking who Gordy was. "Uh ...just sugar, please."

"So," Amelia asked as he took a spoonful of the granular substance, "upstairs or downstairs first?"