Your imagination painted such beautiful images
A sky so blue, and a sun so bright
And when day would fade into night
The never ending stars would stretch so far
To the left and to the right.
I remember you telling me of trees so tall and green
That never lost their leaves
And the sweet fragrance of flowers
Floating on the evening breeze.
Rivers that laughed and sang
With the birds in the air
And the wind in the trees
Altogether playing a charming symphony.
But you were young, and you grew up too fast
Which proved no childhood could ever last.
“How long has the sky been black?” You asked me
Though I didn’t care to answer
I let you have your dreams of things
That were beautiful, like butterfly wings
Though sadly, just as fragile
And likewise just as fleeting.
But you chose to see like the rest of us
And when you pierced through the dark
With wonder in your eyes that quickly died
You realized it wasn’t the same
Which caught you by surprise
And after all your waiting
It really was a shame.
What you thought would be
Was sadly different in the end
And now that you can see clearly
You wish you were blinded again.
As of today I've been a writer on apricotpie for a whole year! So I decided to post something today, I hope you all like it. It's not my best, and I may still be changing it around a bit, but it's all I have right now. If you have any suggestions or constructive criticism it would be much appreciated.
Happy Tuesday!
=]
Comments
Lovely poem, and
Lovely poem, and congratulations Tamerah!
My one thought for the poem might be to rearrange the lines or add in extra stanzas just a little bit, particularly in your second stanza, so that each stanza stays on one character or time point. For example, second stanza lines 2-6 flip back to childhood, and lines 7 and on go back to the current situation. Or you could chop it up by your perspective (I think "you" felt this) vs what you felt happened (I saw "you" doing this).
But definitely not necessary, I actually like it the way it is, particularly the first stanza.
Great poem, Tamerah! I
Great poem, Tamerah! I always like your poems, though. :)
May you remain a writer on ApricotPie for a hundred more years! We'd miss you if you ever tried to leave. :)
I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief
I like this poem a lot
I like this poem a lot Tamerah, It really speaks of the way you see things at different ages. May I stay young forever!
I didn't know you'd been on here for only a year! Wow, it seems like longer than that!
"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca
Happy Apricotpie anniversary!
And I liked the poem too...it reminds me of when I really grew up and realized the world wasn't all hunky-dory after all...
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And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"
Thanks!
Thanks everyone! And thanks Christa for the suggestions, I'm really on the fence with this poem whether I really like it or not. Something just feels a little off with it. I don't know maybe it's just me.
And Anna, I'm definitely not leaving apricotpie anytime soon!
Hey, we joined Apricotpie
Hey, we joined Apricotpie really close together...my first post was June 10 of 2007!
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And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"
You guys joined right around
You guys joined right around my birthday. :) I joined in November... I remember when I joined, I felt like posting everything I had written in one day, I was so excited. :)
I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief
oh the memories
I think I liked it. :) It definitely reminded me of growing up - I particularly love the last two lines:
"And now that you can see clearly
You wish you were blinded again."
Very nice thoughts throughout though - well done. :)
=]
Thanks Jen =]
Wow! I really like that
Wow! I really like that one.
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|Live,Laugh,Love|
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|Live,Laugh,Love|
That's quite a picture you
That's quite a picture you have Tamerah :)
Is that a frog cookie I spy?
I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief
Haha, I wish it were a
Haha, I wish it were a cookie! Sadly it's only a piece of paper. His name is Prince Charming =]
OOOOOOOOOHhhh... I thought
OOOOOOOOOHhhh... I thought it looked like a cookie. :)
Have you kissed him?
I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief
Haha... well not formally, I
Haha... well not formally, I pretended to for a picture though =]
:)
Great poem! I like it alot.
Congratulations on your one-year anniversary! :D
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"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]