Normal 0 Thoughts, Ideas, questions and conclusions of a 5-year-old girl

Chapter one: If I was the president…

If I was the president, I would make it illegal for bad guys to have real guns, so they would only be able to have plastic ones, then the police men wouldn’t get shot by them.

If I was the president, It wouldn’t be called the white house, I would change it to the pink house and boys aren’t aloud in, and if they tried to get in I would have invisible ninjas come and put them in jail for the rest of forever!

If I was the president, I would make horse-slaughter against the law in the whole world and wild horses could go where ever they wonted to and if someone tried to put them somewhere ells I would make them do something horrible like eat a bazillion spinaches and not be allowed to plug their nose or hold their breath.

If I was the president, I would tell the weather man to make it rain more often so we would never have to worry about wasting water in the bathtub or sink ever again.

If I was the president, it would be against the law for there to be any wars and everyone would have to be friends, but if two people didn’t like each other just ‘cause they are from different countries or different colors, they would be put in a room with each other for ever until they realized that they were both being silly!

If I was the president, it would be illegal for parents to make their kids take baths and eat healthy food before eating dessert.

If I was the president, I would tell everyone that ice cream is the healthiest food in the whole, wide, gargantuan world—‘Cause it is.

If I was the president, people would have to love each other!!!

Chapter two: Why?

Why are boys so icky? It’s just wrong for mommies to let them be so yucky. They’re always spitting and yelling and playing with frogs, spiders, dirt and big really smelly things! Why did God have to make them so icky? My mommy tells me that not all boys are icky; she says that my daddy isn’t icky. But he always comes home from work smelling like a dirty, sweaty fish-tank and he never even lets me wear my ballerina dress out where people can see me, and the only shows he watches are CSI and the news! After I tell my mommy this she just smiles and says that God is a boy and he’s not rude or icky. Well, in my opinion, he’s the only one. This is why I’ll never get married to a boy, nope, I’ll go out and a prince or something; they’re a lot nicer.

Why dose my mommy always complain about her wrinkles? Why doesn’t she just get rid of them the same way she gets rid of wrinkles in her clothes? If she would just jump in the drier; all of those creases would go away. Plus, she wouldn’t have to do that diet any more ‘cause she’d shrink.

Why do people say that if we want to save water we should take shorter showers and turn off the sink wile we’re brushing our teeth? Why don’t we just start drinking soda and juice instead of water? And why do people always say that we’re running out of it when we have a whole ocean of it?

Why is the sea still just a bunch of water? With all the fishes drinking it and then peeing in it, you’d think it would be a big pool of pee by now.

Why won’t my mommy tell me where babies come from? I know were they come from, but what about how they get in there? How do they get in there?

Chapter three: I know everything.

I know why God made the world round: ‘cause if it was flat, everyone would go and fall right of the edge, and if God put a fence around it, they would just get curios and climb it then go splat.

I know that God must put a super magic force field around all of the Churches because if he didn’t every one of them would be struck by lightning, ’cause of how tall the steeples are.

I know that the Tooth Fairy is actually Santa Claws. Sense Santa eats so many cookies every Christmas that his teeth fall out a lot so he has to go and get new ones from other people who don’t need them anymore. That’s also why he grows his beard out so long, if he didn’t then every time he smiled you would be able to see all of his baby teeth.

I know that vegetables were planted on earth by aliens from another planet; to make everyone sick so that they could take over the world wile all the humans are at home sick. I’m not giving them that satisfaction, so I’m never gonna eat vegetables!!!

I know that my parents don’t want me going out in the woods by my self; ‘cause there are millions of rabbit holes out there and if I fall in one of them then I’ll go to Wander Land.

I know that I know everything!

So There!