To The Male Half Of The World's Youth
From The Females
Dear Guys,
We know that you find us confusing, baffling and altogether incomprehensible. We enjoy it immensely, and we'd like to keep it that way. However, there are a few things you should know.
Do you know why we go to so much trouble to look pretty? For you.
Do you know why we wait until we're alone to laugh at how silly we think you are? For you.
Because even though we often find you an unintelligent and generally degenerate bunch, we really can't answer the one question; what would we do without you?
Sure, we seem pretty nutty. For one thing, you may wonder why we seem so inconsistent sometimes. One word: hormones. I won't go into all the biological details, but it is true that there are certain times when a girl's mood is likely to swing pretty far from one end of the spectrum to the other. It's usually either that, or we're just testing you. Just go with the flow and say what she wants to hear.
I know you are often surprised by the level of closeness between female friends. Unfortunately, that's one thing you fellows will never understand, so I'm not going to bother trying to explain it.
And here they are; some basic guidelines for getting on (and staying on) a girl's good side. I won't blame you if I hear that you skipped the rest of the letter to get to this part. Hopefully it will be helpful, and save you from learning some of these things the hard way (aka getting yelled at and/or slapped).
1. Most girls really do like getting flowers and chocolate. However, it's preferable that you don't shower them with expensive gifts. A hug is worth so much more than a necklace from Jared.
2. If she wants her space, give it to her. Also, be respectful. A girl's body belongs to her and to God, and trespassing can have serious consequences, so keep your hands in good custody.
3. Please, please, please don't try to write a poem or a song unless you really are good at it. Please.
4. If you like a girl, don't just stare at her. All that will happen is she'll tell her girlfriends about "that annoying guy who looks at me all the time" and that doesn't get you anywhere. Open your mouth. Move your lips and tongue, and put forth your voice. This usually results in what we call speaking. It's a good tool. Use it.
5. While we're on the subject of talking: don't cuss. It's crass, rude and disrespectful. Cursing says "I don't care about your feelings or your opinion." Not the message you want to get across, am I right?
6. Just listen. No doubt you've noticed that girls talk a lot. When that happens, just listen. And when I say listen I mean pay attention. Accompany your listening with the appropriate actions; a laugh, a nod, a comforting hug. All you really have to do is be there for her.
7. Don't act differently around her from how you act around everyone else. A girl wants to love you, not some other guy you pretend to be that you really aren't.
8. Punctuality. Always. Be. On. Time.
Well, I hope we've cleared a few things up here. Carry on, soldier.
With Love,
The Girls
Comments
haha
Made me laugh, and some good points, too! I wish guys would just speak up instead of beating around the bush if they like a girl.
And the punctuality... When my grandparents were dating, my grandpa was late coming to pick grandma up. So she called up some other guy and asked him to take her. My grandpa was never late again. ;)
I love this!!! Great job.
I love this!!! Great job.
Bad news
Probably only two or three (if even that many) men will ever read this, since Apricotpie is basically devoid of my sensible species. Proof? Keep watching. I'll be the only man who will ever post a comment on this letter.
If you have not done so already, you may want to post it somewhere else as well.
"we often find you an unintelligent and generally degenerate bunch" Tsk Tsk. Such stereotyping. I assure you that many a gentleman has encountered the reverse.
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"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle
James is Wrong!
I'm the second guy to comment, which means James is not alone!
5 stars to this work of art. I must say that you don't understand men, but it did help me understand woman...somewhat. James is right about what he said about steroetyping though.
Nate-Dude
Girls: Thank you! :) Hannah,
Girls: Thank you! :) Hannah, love the story about your grandpa!! XD
James: Fear not, I made a page for it on FB. So far the only ones who've liked it are girls, but a few are going to recommend it to boys they know. The word will soon spread, muahahaha. And sorry about the sterotyping, but it's more or less true. Mrs. Banks in Mary Poppins says it better than I:
Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid.
Katie:-)
"Are all humans like this? So much bigger on the inside?"
-Idris/TARDIS
...
Frankly, I don't think guys are stupid at all, at least not anymore than girls are. Think about it: Guys make crude jokes and laugh loudly at stupid things, but girls obsess over silly details and giggle a lot. There are exceptions to both of these rules, but a lot of the guys I know are pretty smart and listen well. There's no reason to say that they are unintelligent and degenerate.
This was funny though, and you made some good points about what guys should and shouldn't do.
"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya
Poor argument. You should rethink that.
"And sorry about the sterotyping, but it's more or less true."
If your own experience tells you that your stereotyping is true, then I pity you for the exceptionally dull-witted males with whom you have to associate.
I would pity Mrs. Banks as well, if she actually existed.
And for the record, if the attitude of her books and the characters therein is anything like her own, then I pity Ms. P.L. Travers.
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"Based on his own experience, the bat thinks the world mostly dark; for he lives in a cave and comes out only at night."
--anonymous
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"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle
^agreed
^ I second that. Some girls can be, and usually are, just as obnoxious as guys. And actually sometimes I get even more frustrated with girls because some have completely trashed the term 'girl' and made it sickening. :P Really, it depends on the person. No one can make a generalization about either sex. But of course....it's hard for girls to figure guys out and vis versa. The mysteries and neccesities of life. :) Where would we all be if everyone understood everyone! we'd never talk. haha.
2, 4, 5, 6. Yep.
Over all this was a true and fun post to read. :)
_________________________
"Sweet is the love that never knew a wound, but deeper that which died and rose again." - Mother Mary Francis
Forgot to mention that guys
Forgot to mention that guys aren't stupid. Each gender is smart in different ways......Still a funny post though!!
"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond
*headdesk*
Ahem. Allow me to try again.
Of course I don't actually think men are mostly stupid. That comment wasn't meant to be taken any more seriously than that ridiculous chant, "Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Girls go to college to get more knowledge." I'm sorry if I expressed myself so badly that you all couldn't see how lightly I meant it.
But keep in mind, because of certain variations in our rate of maturity growth (mental maturity) that God has seen fit to make, teenage girls are likely to be more mature in certain ways than boys of their age. This isn't to say that they're smarter; I've seen my male friends do stupid things, but I can think of far more stupid things I've done myself.
I'm still not doing a very good job. Let me put it this way. When I said, ..."we often find you an unintelligent and generally degenerate bunch...", I meant the way girls collectively think about boys collectively. We love and admire and obsess over them, but also do a great deal of complaining. Especially with regards to crushes, relationships and friendships; the matters treated in this letter. The point of this letter is to help guys with the things they often seem so clueless about, the things that cause most of our complaints.
I hope this rather long-winded comment clears things up a bit. I didn't mean to imply general stupidity among males, and I certainly didn't mean to give offense. I guess I need to work on making attitude more apparent with things like this. :)
Katie:-)
"Are all humans like this? So much bigger on the inside?"
-Idris/TARDIS
What's This?
You're actually going to be agreeable?
How disappointing... and I was really looking forward to a battle of wits.
Oh well, I suppose I must do my part now and get along. I will admit, your subtlety in this letter is deeper than I first thought... I'm afraid I sorely underestimated you. My apologies.
<><~~~~~~~~~~~~><>
"The idea that we should approach science without a philosophy is itself a philosophy... and a bad one, because it is self-refuting." -- Dr. Jason Lisle
Katie, Your tongue-in-cheek
Katie,
Your tongue-in-cheek approach is what I find so endearing about this essay. While it contains much truth, you threw a spoonful of sugar in there (to keep with our Mary Poppins theme) and put a cherry on the top. In my opinion, it's a witty poke at girls as much as it is at boys.
I fall into the same rut of misunderstood sarcasm... something to work on to strengthen our voices as writers. You have to be able to use it, but not beat it to death. (Not that I think you did that in this essay)
I love #7 :) So very, very true.
Apology most amiably
Apology most amiably accepted. :) You've surprised me, actually. I sort expected a rebuttal. Oh, well. That one would have been fun, but there'll be other battles, I'm sure. One never knows what may end up being controversial.
Katie:-)
"Are all humans like this? So much bigger on the inside?"
-Idris/TARDIS
:)
This was funny. :)
But yes, we do have to be careful about stereotyping... for example, as to number 1, I hate people spending money on me. And not hugs from guys, either... 'cept for daddy, my brother, and other relatives.
And I must admit... I've never really thought of guys as unintelligent at all... maybe that's just because I know all of the intelligent ones, like my brother and my honorary brothers...
From another girl
Dear Boys,
While KatieSara makes some good points from a romantic angle, I have something else to bring up:
Not all of us want boyfriends. We just want boys as friends. And how to be one?
I'll let you know when I find one.
Another Girl
Formerly Kestrel
Kestrel:
An addition on Kestrel's - to be a friend, young men, be a gentleman. Treat us like sisters. Take care of us, protect us. Protect our hearts by knowing when to stay away from us, and what not to say to us and what not to do around us. Protect us from guys who don't know that stuff.
Off Topic
KatieSara, when is chappie 7 of Annica Sees coming?!?!?!?!?!?!!!
"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond
I'll publish it soon! Sorry
I'll publish it soon! Sorry about the long delay...I got hit with a huge piece of writer's block.
Katie:-)
"Are all humans like this? So much bigger on the inside?"
-Idris/TARDIS
In response to "Some of us
In response to "Some of us was guy friends not boy friends," Oh my, yes! I would love to have some more really good guy friends instead of random-guys-who-hit-on-me-whenever-they-see-me.
"Sometimes even to live is courage."
-Seneca
LOL--this was definitely a
LOL--this was definitely a funny tongue in cheek approach! :0)
on number 8--and even though the guy might be on time, the girl can be as late as she wants getting ready, right? LOL--it reminded me of a song my brother gave Justin and me, called "Waitin' On a Woman" by Brad Paisley (one of the few country songs I like).
I have to admit that while I didn't date before I was married, I had lots of guy friends. I always were convinced that they were the best guys to be around because most of them treated me like a sister. We teased, bopped each other on the head with couch pillows, argued over what movie to watch --ya know, the usual sibling stuff. Even the guy I married treated me like his little sister until he got permission from my dad to court me. After that...well, sparks flew. :0)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And now our hearts will beat in time/You say I am yours and you are mine...
Michelle Tumes, "There Goes My Love"
Hasn't this been interesting?
I love those times here on AP when the comments are half the fun. :) You girls make good points about friends-who-are-boys-not-boyfriends and filial relationships. I kind of always wished I had a big brother. And though none of the guy friends I have now would fill in that post, I'm rather fond of some of them in a mean-big-sister kind of way. I tend to treat boys as being younger than they are. :-P Then of course, there's male cousins.
Katie:-)
"Are all humans like this? So much bigger on the inside?"
-Idris/TARDIS
A nother tip for guys; it
A nother tip for guys; it drives us crazy when you look down your nose at us!!!! it makes us feel vulnerable, so don't do that. and if you're short; don't glare!!!!!!!!!
Goodness!
You must have been poking around in my journal :P
This totally echos most of the thoughts that have been wirling around in my head! Boys (not all, just some.) tend to either ignore us girls and look down on us or they are constantly at your feet trying to shower you attentions. It is nice to be praised and "liked" but I'd much rather be "chums" with all the guys I know.
Another thing -- IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO APPOLOGIZE FOR EVERY LITTLE THING! But that's just my opinion.
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"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville
"4. If you like a girl, don't
"4. If you like a girl, don't just stare at her. All that will happen is she'll tell her girlfriends about "that annoying guy who looks at me all the time" and that doesn't get you anywhere. Open your mouth. Move your lips and tongue, and put forth your voice. This usually results in what we call speaking. It's a good tool. Use it."
Hahahahaha, that's hilarious. I like the punctuality thing too!
"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond