One for sorrow
Eyes weeping with false hope
Shattered glass heart of my window-stained heliotrope
Two for joy
The eyes I meet attending tapping shoe laces
Happy glittering of bejeweled faces
Three for girl
Golden dresses pressed with trembling fingertips
A stained-lipped smile dripping youthful ignorance
Four for boy
Clouded head beneath a dark sky of hair
War-torn mind brimming with hope and despair
Five for silver
The harp strings that grow like weeds
Atop my crown from feathered farmer's seeds
Six for gold
Heart flashing brilliant in the sunshines glow
Armored knight turned common scarecrow
Seven for a secret never to be told
That soft spot beneath hardened chest plate
Words of plutonic endearments hardly to satiate
Eight for death and dying
A thought I sent to hang for treachery
Bleeding crawl of barely-breathing lechery
Nine for passion
Gasping stifled feelings of animal instinct
Locked within emotionless eyes portraying nothing distinct
Ten for extremity
Bashed about thoughts betraying a thunderstorm grown
Wounded parts of hearts fleeing lest be known
Eleven for Uncertainty, Waiting, Wanting
Lips methodically chewed in patient anxiety
A secretly-aching smile for the severity of society
Twelve for Riches
Patience fulfilled with hard-earned platonic embraces
A sickly sweet smile of the black breasted crow's many faces.
I'm sure I have some grammar, punctual mistakes in here. Let me know your thoughts ;) and if you're concerned that I'm obsessed with crows, dont worry, haha! I've caught the inspiration bug and have held on tightly to the imagery of a crow, because you can just do a whole bunch with it... Or maybe that's just me? Haha! Thoughts? Critiques? Thanks guys!
Comments
Thanks Damaris Ann!!!
Awww, your comment fills me up with joy and pride! I'm so glad you liked it. As I'm sure you can tell I have a theme going on, so hopefully it doesn't feel repetitive or like the same poem over and over again!
Thank you so much for reading! Glad to hear you like it!
"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!
Not repetitive at all! I look
Not repetitive at all! I look forward to seeing more from this set. :)
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.
This, again, is masterful. I
This, again, is masterful. I need to find new adjectives! But the way this is structured, and your wording, and the story that's furthered...this is such an incredible work! I love the way this was structured, and then the rhymes you paired were so unique. Your poems take time to read through and to comprehend, and I have to force myself to slow down so I can really appreciate the beauty and the thought behind them. This is one of my favorites! You're building a style that is so distinctly you, and I love that. Your poems are flourishing! And also, I had to Google heliotrope. haha!
Oh, and again with your use of metaphors! This one is especially fantastic: Clouded head beneath a dark sky of hair
My only suggestion would be the addition of hyphens between certain words to improve the flow. Some of these probably should have been hyphenated. I'm copy>pasting below and adding them in to show you where, if you don't mind.
One for sorrow
Eyes weeping with false hope
Shattered glass heart of my window-stained heliotrope
Two for joy
The eyes I meet attending tapping shoe laces
Happy glittering of bejeweled faces
Three for girl
Golden dresses pressed with trembling fingertips
A stained-lipped smile dripping youthful ignorance
Four for boy
Clouded head beneath a dark sky of hair
War-torn mind brimming with hope and despair
Five for silver
The harp strings that grow like weeds
Atop my crown from feathered farmer's seeds
Six for gold
Heart flashing brilliant in the sunshines glow
Armored knight turned common scarecrow
Seven for a secret never to be told
That soft spot beneath hardened chest plate
Words of plutonic endearments hardly to satiate
Eight for death and dying
A thought I sent to hang for treachery
Bleeding crawl of barely-breathing lechery
Nine for passion
Gasping stifled feelings of animal instinct
Locked within emotionless eyes portraying nothing distinct
Ten for extremity
Bashed-about thoughts betraying a thunderstorm grown
Wounded parts of hearts fleeing lest be known
Eleven for Uncertainty, Waiting, Wanting
Lips methodically chewed in patient anxiety
A secretly-aching smile for the severity of society
Twelve for Riches
Patience fulfilled with hard-earned platonic embraces
A sickly sweet smile of the black breasted crow's many faces.
OH my gosh! You have no idea
OH my gosh! You have no idea how much your comments mean to me! Thank you so so so much for your fabulous compliments and critiques! I completely agree with your hypnenating, I read over your edited version and felt the smoothness it created.
Beyond all your lovely compliments, the compliment that I'm creating my own style and it's becoming my own is probably THE BEST COMPLIMENT EVER!!! I feel like a switch a lot but I really do like this style (whatever that style might be). I've been trying to pin down my style as all the great poets on AP do (including yourself Homey). Thank you so much!!!
Hahaha! I just guessed heliotrope is a kind of purple or flower? Was that the correct use for Heliotrope? Hehe.
Thank you a billion for your comments!!! I'm going to go respond!
"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!
Oh my this is just so cool.
Oh my this is just so cool. Your rhyming was delightfully surprising. Particularly this part: Eyes weeping with false hope/ Shattered glass heart of my window stained heliotrope/ Two for joy/ The eyes I meet attending tapping shoe laces/ Happy glittering of bejeweled faces/ Three for girl
Brilliant and well done.
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.