Bartering

Submitted by Madeline on Sat, 07/16/2016 - 18:22

Once upon a time
you traded nickel and dime
for an island on the sea
The man who palmed your pay
was reluctant to say
if it was within reach
You scratched your head
and then you plead
you'd do a better deed
Sir, if you could
well, then you should
come to paradise with me
He screamed voilà
without a pause
and praised his memory
Miss, it's way out there
with briny air
and citrus on the breeze
It made more sense
to send for him
once you'd found your feet
And off you went
your wiles spent
in fingers-crossed jubilee.

Author's age when written
18
Genre
Poetry
Notes

I've no idea what this is, other than I was in the mood to write something whimsical! haha!

Comments

Wings of Eternity

Sun, 07/17/2016 - 21:08

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Homey, this was great! I loved that I didn't fully understand what was going on, yet I understood enough to thoroughly enjoy this! I was laughing by the end, and I don't know why! Haha! It was just plain fun and yes, whimsical! Blessings to you!

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Lucy Anne

Sun, 07/17/2016 - 22:10

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Wow, yes, Homey. This--I'm smiling right now! I love it! So whimsical. I see the sunset and giant lollipops--okay this is so weird, but that is what I SEE. I don't know how to describe what exactly was so good about this...you brought me through a story...made me want to go to that island, and see this girl and man -- even though this was only a few words. "Traded nickel and dime for an island on the sea/you scratched your hand/the man who palmed your pay/sir, if you could, then come to paradise with me/ citrus on the breeze/ wiles spent in fingers-crossed jubilee" ---- what! wow!

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Kassady

Mon, 07/18/2016 - 11:34

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Hahaha, how fun is this? I love it! It felt almost like an old bardic song of sorts about a slave that had his freedom paid for him and asks his master to come with him to experience freedom... But that's what I got out of it :D hahaha!
Well done, loved your wording and the rythme was fabulous!

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!