Masks of violet steel
the twilight armor
glinting
with assurance
as you canter by
astride
your steed
Eyes swoop to me
circled in
by two pits
of pale peach
skin
And your lips
raspberry
tint
So I blink
and the moment
my lids
go aflutter
you leave
Wrote this a lil' while back, had it saved on here & decided to share! :) Thanks for reading if you do! Also, side note: I just passed the six-year mark of being on AP. And it's been wonderful, thanks to all of you--as I always say, you're my writing family! <3
Comments
I may have said this before,
I may have said this before, but I wanted to say I love your profile picture. Is it an artwork? I wanted to find some way to say that to you, so I clicked on this poem, and read it.
I can't believe you've been here for 6 years, and I, four. And so many others have been here much longer. How time flies!
Anyways, about your poem, I like the use of knight. Knights are fast, right? So I think it is cool how you say your "lids go aflutter you leave" because that kind of shows how quick they are. "Two rings of pale peach skin" -- I like that. But a stronger word for "rings" might be "pits". Like the eyes are deep inside the "pit" of the steel. You could wonder who is behind the steel, and how deep inside he is. Haha, this is the first time I've corrected one of your poems.
Oh. And now I finally get why you used a knight. I understand the metaphor of it. A person who is valiant, stately, but holds a wall from you. That's great! :) However, didn't interpret the "violet steel" part yet... is it because his steel is unique - the color violet?
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ooh, GREAT suggestion on the
Ooh, GREAT suggestion on the "pits"! It also works because of the peach...peaches have pits! I think I'll change that, thank you--it's a lovely critique! As for the violet armor, it's kind of explained in the next line--twilight = violet, so basically it just hints at it being nightfall. I honestly don't think things through when I write my poems, at least not in terms of interpretation, so it's not until afterward that I think about it! REALLY appreciate it, Megan, thank you! The time spent on here has been unbelievable and has helped me to grow so much!
The artwork isn't mine, but it's something I have hanging on my wall! I found it on Redbubble--it's a great site that allows you to put artwork you either find on the website or make yourself on ANYTHING! Pillows, t-shirt, bag, duvet...the options are limitless! I love to look on there for art that I like, so again--thank you!
Sun, 05/15/2016 - 21:15
In reply to Ooh, GREAT suggestion on the by Madeline
Gorgeous, and Megan, that was
Gorgeous, and Megan, that was an awesome suggestion!!
This is one of those poems
This is one of those poems that you could read over and over again, love, love, love!!!!! Love the last few lines definitely the most!!!! I'm also so amazed we've been on here for 6 hours!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!
"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!