King I, II

Submitted by Madeline on Tue, 12/01/2015 - 03:41

King - I You with your dizzying lackadaisical demeanor and the way you spread your hands when you speak Motioning conducting every measured quick-witted remark that spins from your teeth purposefully and I can hear your voice and know the way your face and lips will curve on certain words even the ones I make up that have never been released Is this Sickness or infatuation or Neither, I suppose Since I've settled into this unsettled Indifferent in-between A back-and-forth bickering Internally Where it could go either way Depending on the day For me to wish you to be my King

King II Sometimes I return for a look-see and Just a handful of split-second smiles Brought on by you because Your happiness glows from your skin You are radiant And it catches my eyes by surprise Every time until the Awe is going stale in my throat But from three years It's this I know That you don't ever go And that I can push and shove and Hiss and claw Until you're cornered in my mind But for that knee-jerk grin And hopelessness I go back every time

Author's age when written
18
Genre
Poetry
Notes

Just a little something I wrote last night and tweaked today! I haven't written much at ALL lately but I was satisfied with these, so I thought I'd share! Feedback always appreciated.

Comments

E

Tue, 12/01/2015 - 05:27

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These are wonderful--fast paced and exciting to read. You bounce through images with a remarkable energy.

"You with your dizzying
lackadaisical demeanor and
the way you spread your
hands when you speak...
I can hear your voice and
know the way your face and lips
will curve on certain words" I could just envision this person.

"Just a handful of split-second smiles
Brought on by you
because
Your happiness glows from your skin
You are radiant
And it catches my eyes by surprise
Every time
until the
Awe is going stale in my throat." Your images are very unique to you. The word choices you make aren't something I would typically think of putting together. (i.e. Awe and stale). These are actually some of my favorites by you!

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Wings of Eternity

Tue, 12/01/2015 - 20:23

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Love these Homie! I agree with Erin, the imagery is fabulous! I also agree with what she says that your word choices are very unique and not put together in the way most people would think to put them together.

"And that I can push and shove and
Hiss and claw
Until you're cornered in my mind
But for that knee-jerk grin
And hopelessness
I go back every time "

That is brilliant! I love the wording that shows the internal fight. It was a fantastic ending to a great two poems :)

My favorite lines are:
"You with your dizzying
lackadaisical demeanor and
the way you spread your
hands when you speak
Motioning
conducting every measured
quick-witted remark that
spins from your teeth"

I mean "spins from your teeth"? How cool is that! I love, love, love that imagery! Keep it up :)

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Wings of Eternity

Thu, 12/17/2015 - 03:47

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So sorry for the late reply to your comment, but I have been incredibly busy :) I am so excited to have watched your writing grow! You have gotten so much better that it is just amazing! I can't wait to see what else you come up with :)
As for me, I have been well. I have made some new dietary changes and have been feeling a lot better :) Thanks for asking! I have been praying that you have been doing well in your classes and keep up the fantastic writing!

"Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Lucy Anne

Sat, 12/12/2015 - 15:15

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I enjoyed reading this - the way you structured it let me flow seamlessly to the end. It's almost like bringing me on a journey - and I feel like that's something special about your poetry. My favorite is the 1st one.

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Madeline

Mon, 01/11/2016 - 22:09

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GUYS! I just got an email that the first poem, King I, is going to be published in Teen Ink! I don't know if you guys have heard of that magazine before, but I am so excited. Thank you for all of your support!