Wait

Stuck in a cycle of constant complacency
Set in my ways to do nothing but stay
Do nothing to further intellectual integrity
I want out of it but I think that it's best
Now, anyway
I ought naught to feel guilty
For just wanting to read
For lying around filling holes in my brain
With good books and attitudes
That depict it as easy
To accomplish every whim
Rather than to keep them so staid
The correlation between the two
To say and to do
Is not lost on me
But I think that to choose
One or the other
Would be far too constrained
So for right now I'll pretend
Not to feel so restless
And keep waiting
For something
To cling to
In wait

Q&A

Set in an auditorium
The seats fill with people
I'm nervous as it climbs
Gets to the peak of conversation
And I almost don't do it
But I think
When will I get this chance
Again?
I may not
And for that
I find myself
Raising my hand

Q&A 2

I'm not always so brave
You know
I have fears, too
I don't want all eyes to be
Turned to me
In the room
Unless I can be sure
With absolute certainty
They all are ready
To hear me speak
And won't shake their heads
Or silently think
To themselves
She's so this
Or she's just so that
I want validation
I want to know that
I'm wanted wherever
I want to be
And whether that's too much to ask
I'm starting to believe
Is yes

Hair

It's so funny
How with it up
I was constantly
Having to touch
The crown of my head
Smoothing my bangs
Back
My voice was too piercing but
Later
As we stood
And I pulled it down I felt
Comforted
Like I was sound
Asleep in my bed
Without any fear
This warmth overtook me
I felt a sincere
Sense of confidence
Surge through me
With it brushing the tops
Of my shoulders I ran my
Fingers through it
And I now wonder how
I went with such short hair
For such a long time
That's now my shoulder-length
Relief
While I'm waiting
In line

Skeptical

I feel bubbly and vivacious
Quick in conversation
I lean forward with my legs splayed and
Meet her eyes for a second
We keep sharing little looks
To communicate our displeasure
With the people set around us
I believed them for a second
And my smile on my lips tastes
Wry on my tongue
I feel comfortable right now but I
Don't feel like I have won
Anything but the attention
Of my one friend in the room
I can be quick on my feet
Yes, only if I want to

Badabing

Badabing
Mirror's gravitational pull
Sends my eyes reeling
I twist and turn and
Tug and pull
Trying again and again to achieve
Perfection
This outfit's no good but
This one makes me wider than I
Am and I wish
Standing there
For those pants that I
Mailed back to the retailer
Last year
And last night I grabbed a marker and I
Wrote my to-do list
In dry-erase black
It made me dizzy look at
From a certain angle but mostly
I liked it
I think I'll do it again
Sometime

Elusive

Almost frenzied in the way
She writes in her journal
Jumping back and forth
Emotion to emotion
Veering skyward only to
Plummet back to earth
With a half-sincere sentiment
Pillowed with a hastily-drawn heart
A Love, Maddie
No, I can see it now from this
Unbiased place
This new mind that I'm living in
This slightly sterner face
That anyone observing would have
Thought she was crazy
The way she went on about things
Like they mattered
Or pertained
It's so funny
That in writing
I completely change
All I remember of last year was the feeling that
Everything
Was the best it had ever been
What happened to that place?
And the craziest part--
The craziest part is--
With all my heart I can tell you
That I simply don't miss it
It's okay it didn't stay

Wondering

Sometimes I have to try really hard to not
Go looking out of mild curiosity
To see what she's been up to but I
Promised
And it'd feel a little creepy
But I still find myself wondering
If she wonders about me