Filling Time

I give in to whimsy
My fantasy
I think about him
Picking me up
Talking in the car
On the way home
I'd wear my
Orangey-red shirt
Which hugs my curves
Just the right way
And we'll pull up
Under the tree
You'd lean over
With a smile
To kiss me
And my hands would go up
To curve around your cheeks
And your arm would come around
To hold my back steady
Until I pulled away
Got out
Went inside
You're faceless
So faceless
You're faceless in my mind

Subtract

Abstract dream
Detracting
From the realities
I've been rooted in
I'm prone
To thinking
About futures and pasts
But never the present
Not ever this second

The Way It Is

I'm thinking maybe it's been this way for a while now
A revelation to few
Not many but me
The moments of doubt have been present some time
Particularly since
Yes, since January
But I'm thinking maybe nothing has changed from last year
Except the people I have to give time to
Because last year I had that and maybe I left you
So maybe it's just what you're used to
Except maybe now I feel like I miss you
(I do)
Because maybe now I feel like I miss you
(it's true)
Yes, right now I'm thinking
Right now believing
Right now it's seeming
I miss you

Daunt

There is a dream
In the back of my skull
Pressing its way
To the front of my mouth
And seeping out
With all its impracticality
With its lack of
Reliability
I've not always wanted this
To be clear
I've mostly thought of it
This year
But not so closely
That it seems
I could be admitted
No, not a practical decision but
A songwriting
Degree
That could be good
If I got in
For me

Too High

I wonder is it really so solemn to think
That two is occasionally better than one
I know my rebuke is never aimed to be hurtful
Though I'm inclined to believe kicking when they're down was
Oh, but I meditate on what cards should play
The words I should say to
Deescalate
Oh, but I seek it in the set of a face
When one's angry for a reason other than they're
Having it made
To seem
Then they always come of their own stubborn accord
The words I spit that I know well I don't mean
And it always stays tucked in my mouth afterward
The begrudging but still well-deserved I'm sorry
Since it wouldn't negate
What they failed to abstain
From saying
I tried
I can speak
To prevent it
But it's something that's simply
Quite out of my reach

Quietly

Time slips by in silent reverie
I wonder why some people give up so easily
In the pit of my chest
And the heart of my stomach
I'm trying to restrain myself from
Begging just please
I feel calm, yes
But it's inside I'm shaking

Card Game

The moon is bright and full
Shining through the gaps where the curtains
Don't quite meet the woodwork
Like your smile
Unbridled joy is the best expression
You lay
Down like cards, though you've shown no
Indication my
Obsession is a game
I don't even think you know
I play
Never mind that so
Here's my best ace

I Wasn't Ready

The words we've been waiting for
But thought would never come
Reach my ears with more impact
I wasn't ready

I slide lower onto the couch
To hide my tears
This can't be over
I wasn't ready

All I can think is he'll never see
Whomever he's going to be
And the kids I'll have one day
I wasn't ready

If it hurts so much to hear this
If it hurts so much to me
I can't imagine the pain in their minds
I wasn't ready

It staring me in the face the fact
That somebody's gonna be
Privileged enough to know what true happy is
I wasn't ready

Is That What I Look Like?

I don't look the same
All the time
Sometimes my jaw is strange
Depending on the light
Sometimes my skin is clearer
Depending on how bright
Sometimes I think I'm pretty when
In the mirror glass I shine

Possibility

For a fleeting second my mind is
Brazen enough to court
A new story
Starring you
Your eyes flick over to meet mine and I
Glance away
Hoping I'm not discovered
But that you're looking at me
You're
Just the right amount of danger
With a startling sprinkle of youth
I like the way you look so I
Duck into a bathroom
Check my face for
Discrepancies in case you
Like me, too
I can't find any
(I'm hoping that you do)
But my cold has stolen my voice and what comes out
Is whispery and raw
I barely smile
Don't know why, it's as if
You've stolen the use of my jaw
And all I can think about
Standing there
Is how you're thin and tall
With smooth skin and maybe
It wouldn't be so crazy for you
To think of me without
Flaws

Soul

My eyes fill
I see the love
Pass between
Soulmates
Is what I think