Letters to Goodbyes I

Submitted by Anna on Wed, 10/31/2012 - 21:44

[to the p a s t]

Two years ago tomorrow she and I talked—that best friend of mine—and I still wonder if I heard you. And if I had, would I have understand what you (what she) really meant? She left me lonely for a Halloween outing, but I couldn’t help calling her to try to make plans. She said we could do this or that. Maybe she hesitated a little, but if she did I thought it was because she didn’t really want to do any of that, not because she knew she was lying. One day and we went from doing everything together to—well, she left. Two years ago tomorrow. Maybe, maybe she said you before we hung up. I wish I could remember. Instead, my imagination mangles it, and I have to sit here and write instead of say.

I’m grateful to have seen her since, but even when she’s there she’s gone. There’s no you to make it official, but I know it’s true because I still miss her. I don’t necessarily miss the silly things we did, but I miss that we could do them.

And you, Goodbye? You’re still standing in every door, keeping me from letting the elephant out of the room. This isn’t anger or grudge speaking, just need and longing. I wish she’d named you two years and a day ago and I’d known what you… what she… meant. I don’t like you, but I love her. When she left, you should have been there.

[goodbye, anna]

Author's age when written
17
Genre
Essay
Tags
love
family
pain
heartbreak
goodbyes
Notes

I’ve been thinking a lot about goodbyes lately… and about a lot of different goodbyes. This is a series of letters to them, to the goodbyes themselves, not to the people who said or didn’t say them. They started as free verse, but in the end, it was somehow cathartic not having the words in such poetic form.

Comments

Kyleigh

Thu, 11/01/2012 - 09:59

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I don't know if I'm right or not, but what I'm reading into this makes me think it's about a mutual friend of ours. Whether or not it is her, I don't know, but it works - and makes me sad - though more of distraught, because of circumstances - all over again.

Madeline

Thu, 11/01/2012 - 14:06

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Wow. This is so powerful. I love how it's written to the goodbye--that's something so creative. And this is sad, too. You put so many emotions into it.

Edit: Read my comment back and, yeah, sorry for using "so" three times. :P

Anonymous (not verified)

Thu, 11/01/2012 - 21:41

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Thank you for sharing this part of your heart. I am broken-hearted for you, and the others who have hurt in this way. I love you, Mena

Sarah Bethany

Sat, 11/03/2012 - 14:49

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This really hit me...I think we all know what that feels like. And I didn't know who the 'you' was until the end, which I found really cool. :D Well done!

Anna

Sun, 11/11/2012 - 00:21

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Thank you, so much. I mean, I know it's sad, but I hope it helped you too in some way. I'm about to put up the next one... the tone will be quite different. Bleeding from a different vein, you might say.

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

Elizabeth Anne

Tue, 11/13/2012 - 03:51

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This really moved me. It does have a very poetic feel to it. I really could relate to it too, which made it seem even more beautifully sad. The concept of letters to goodbyes is also brilliant!

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper