opaque

Submitted by Madeline on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 20:18

moonlit glass
on stormy seas
bloomed opaque
before my eyes
and your breath
in my ear
plead me not
to criticize

as seagulls swept
down from the gulf
and plucked it
from the sand
i looked at you
you looked at me
felt the beauty
of your hand

and though your skin
begins to grow
subtly translucent
pale as the moon
i feared that we
once left alone
would perish
far too soon

let me heal you ill one
let me cradle your head
let me be the one to bear the brunt
of your pain and sorrow
and for tonight i will give you the chance
to live joyously
and maybe then you'll be stronger
when it comes again tomorrow

Author's age when written
15
Genre
Notes

Just a quick little poem I wrote the other day. I'd love to know your thoughts! Thanks so much. :)

Comments

Great, great poem! The rhythm is really good. The last stanza is neat because it was like a conclusion although it was completely different from the rest of the poem's rhythm. But you made me envision a beautiful scene in my mind. Great job!

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is a beautiful poem. I love the rhythm and the imagery used in this poem. I love it! :)

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper

It reminds me almost of Peeta's and Katnis's love affair... mixed with a little Little Mermaid, LOL! Very pretty, it made my imagination swim, trying to get a grasp at what the poem was about. But in a nice way. Good job :D

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

I especially love the last stanza.

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief