Chapter 4

Amicus pasted shopping malls in awe, his mouth slightly open.

Amy smiled to herself.

Wanting to laugh she tore Amicus away from a store window, displaying a dummy in a blond wig, and in blue jeans, and a blouse with no sleeves.

"Why would any one wear that... that...that thing!" Amicus exclaimed loudly. Making people stare. "And how does that man just stand there without moving? Isn't he embarrassed, wearing that pillow case?"

Amy pulled on his arm, "Its the style on Earth. Just go with it! And that's not a real person, its plastic."

"Oh yes!" He said in a drawling voice, "I forgot. You humans are always making things without life. But I am not going to wearing that 'style' of earth!"

"Of course not!" Amy said pulling Amicus behind her. As she tried to get to the men's department as fast as she could, before any one realized, Amicus's pointed ears.

Amicus had left his robe (as Amy had instructed) in Amy's apartment. So now he was wearing his leggings and tunic. And one of Amy's jackets, that didn't have any girly design on it. She had tried to make him wear a baseball hat, to hide his ears. But he had refused, by tearing it apart.

"This way!" Amy whispered, tugging him to the right, were a side store was selling mens jeans and shirts.

Amicus yanked his arm away from her, "Do not pull me around like a peasant! I am a King and I deserve m-" Amicus's words were cut off.

Amy stood clasping her hand over his mouth, "Zip it! You are not a king here, so get used to it!" she had said in a hoarse whisper.

Amicus suddenly felt a little frightened of her. But then he shrugged the feeling away, "Okay," He said respectfully.

Amy sighed with relief.

"But I am not wearing those!" Amicus said pointing to a rack of mens underwear with hearts all over them.

Amy sighed again, but this time out of exasperation, "You don't have too, if you don't want to."

"Or those!" He said pointing to a shelf of ties.

"Or those... but you will have to wear those, and those," Amy said pointing to the jeans and shirts.

Amicus's noise wrinkled in disgust, "What if I don't want to?"

"Then.... I... I won't help get back to-" Amy lowered her voice, " your planet!"

"But... Oh fine!" Amicus slumped a little, then straightened.

Amy picked out a pair of jeans from the shelves. Then held them in front of Amicus's waist.

Amicus pushed her away, "What are you doing!"

"I'm measuring you!"

"Oh... You may proceed!" He stretched out his arms to his sides, and stood even straighter, closing his eyes.

Amy sighed, imagining Amicus being fitted by a dozen chamber maids. She once again put the jeans to his hips, and the jeans were to wide. So then she took another pair of jeans- smaller- and compared his waist to the jeans. And it looked perfect. Then she looked down to see if they were long enough, and was caught by surprise at how short they were to him, they didn't even reach his ankles!

Amicus sighed impatiently, "Are you done yet?!"

"No! Give me more time, umm... Amicus."

"Yes?"

"You don't have to hold your arms out like that."

"Why didn't you tell me before!" Amicus whined dropping his hands to his sides.

Amy shook her head, and went back to work.

*******

It took thirty more minutes to find the pants. But when they did, it all became more tricky.

Amy sat outside the changing room, waiting. The whole time she had sat there, she heard big thuds and grunts from inside the stall.

"Are you okay?" She asked nervously, after a big thud.

"NO!" Amicus exclaimed, THUD! "I AM NOT-" THUD! "OKAY!-" THUD! " HOW ON EVERY PLANET, CAN YOU EVER GET THESE-" THUD! "SILLY THINGS" THUD! "ON!!!"

Amy felt helpless. She wanted to help Amicus into his pants... but then... she really didn't! She watched the foot wide gap between the floor and door.

Amicus's feet were no where to be seen. But there was a pile of blue jean fabric on the floor, that kept moving around, and jumping up. She then heard numerous thuds and bumps.

And then all of a sudden, there was a big THUMP! And Amicus's head was on ground, looking up at her pleadingly.

Amy had given a little yelp of surprise, and jumped a little in her seat.

"Help!" Amicus moaned.

"I'm sorry! I can't! I wish I could.... but I can't!" Amy said in despair.

Amicus nodded a little. And then his head disappeared.

"Can you tell me how then?" He asked.

Amy smiled. That she could do! "Okay! You'll see two holes. Put one foot in one hole."

Amy heard a thud. Then Amicus's voice called, "What next?"

"Is your foot all the way into the pants leg?"

"Yes!" Amicus snapped in annoyance.

"Okay, okay! Now put your other leg in, the other hole."

A few thuds came from inside the changing room. But then Amicus shouted in glee, "Ah ha! I did it!"

Amy laughed, "Yeah!" She cried. She heard a zip, and then the door swung open.

Amicus walked out, taking really small steps, "How do you move in these things?"

Amy giggled, watching him move around like a penguin, "Just walk normally. There just like leggings, except there a little bit thicker."

"A little bit!" Amicus said sarcastically. But then he started to take longer strides, and before long he was striding as he once was.

"Now a shirt," Amy said turning around to look at the shirt selections. She picked out a thin short sleeved cotton dark blue shirt, and then a orange and light blue striped flannel button down over shirt.

"Try these."

Amicus scanned his eye's over them critically, "I don't think orange is my color Miss Amy."

Amy held up the shirt to Amicus's chest, and frowned thoughtfully, "Your right." She looked at the shirt's again. And pulled out a white button down shirt, with a small pocket on the chest. "Plain and simple!" she said handing it over to him.

He changed- without the thuds- and came out, much more down to Earth.

***********

Amicus sat waiting at Amy's apartment dinner table.

Amy was in the kitchen making spaghetti and meatballs.

"How do I know that your not going to poison me?" Amicus said suspiciously.

"Because... Because..." Amy stammered thinking of a good enough reason, "You'll just have to trust me."

"What if I don't?"

"Then don't eat! It doesn't matter to me," Amy shrugged.

Amicus glared at her, "You would starve me!"

"No! I'm just saying, that if you don't trust me, then you will be starving yourself!" Amy stirred the pot of softening noodles, then went back to rolling the raw meat into small balls.

Amicus grumbled something unintelligible.

And Amy smiled to herself.

"I don't like it!" Amicus said looking at the sauce covered spaghetti in front of him, without even tasting it.

Amy laughed to herself, being reminded of her siblings when they were younger, and said the exact same thing, "You haven't even tried it!"

"Yeah..." he prodded it with his fork, then looked surprised, "I thought humans ate foods made of rubber? Or gel or something not real!"

"The only rubbery thing we eat is jell-o! But if you mean we eat processed food, yes you are correct. Well somethings are processed but not everything!" Amy said starting to eat her dinner.

Amicus licked his lips nervously. Taking the fork he scooped up a couple of noodles, but they slid of his fork and into his lap. Amicus yelled jumping up, as if the spaghetti was attacking him, "GET IT OFF!" he yelled, his hands were up in the air as if he was surrendering.

Amy jumped out of her seat and helped get the noodles off, "Its fine Amicus! Their just noodles! Their not like snakes or something."

"Then why did it attack me!" He said standing still, teeth bared as she took the spaghetti off his new jeans.

Thank goodness I bought three extra pairs, she thought, "They didn't attack you. They just fell of your fork."

"How do I keep it on my fork then!" Amicus snapped sitting back down in his chair.

Amy took his fork, and leaning of his head, twirled the fork and the noodles, wrapped them around and around the fork, till the ends of the noodles were in sight, "Here," she said handing the fork to him.

He grabbed it cautiously, making sure the noodles didn't fall off, and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. He closed his eyes wrinkling up his nose, then it unwrinkled itself as he chewed, and he opened his eyes, "This... is actually... good!'

Amy smiled in satisfaction, "Never beat it before you try it!"

Amicus frowned at her, "Whats that supposed to mean!"

Amy laughed, "Just an old saying, it means, try Spaghetti before you say you don't like it!"

"It actually means that! So the whole purpose of the saying is for spaghetti!" Amicus's eyebrows furled

"No!" Amy said in frustration, "Oh! You know what I mean!"

Amicus smiled devilishly.

And all of a sudden there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" Amy said instinctively. She walked to the door, stopping to look in the mirror, making sure she looked presentable, "Hello?" she said opening the door.

An old man with pajamas on was standing at her door, he held his cell phone in one hand and what looked to be a house phone in the other, " Hello Ms. Lockwood. I heard yelling, and wanted to know if you were okay."

"Yeah!" Amy said with a sigh of relief nodding, grateful for friendly and concerned neighbors, "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No. no!" he reassured her, "Just making sure you were okay."

"I'd ask you to come in... but there’s a mess!" Amy said, thinking of Amicus being the mess.

"Oh thank you! But my wife is waiting for me! What, may I ask, happened?"

"OH! Umm..." Amy thought hard for the right excuse.

But right as she was going to answer, Amicus yelled in frustration and exasperation, "AW!"

The neighbor looked behind Amy's shoulder, with a question formed on his face.

"Oh that's... um..." Amy thought of the best excuse, even if it was not appealing to her, "My boyfriend... we're watching a football game!"

The old man nodded, in recognition, "I see, what games going on?"

"Uh... My boyfriend is a fan of..." Amy search around for the right team, "the Washington State Cougars" Amy said remembering when they played up against the Arizona State Sun Devils.

"Oh" he said with a little disappointment, "Well goodnight! Enjoy your game!"

Amy waved and bid farewell, and quickly closed the door.

Amicus stood leaning up against the door frame of the other room, his arms crossed and a hand full of spaghetti on his shirt and pants, "Get...it...OFF!"