Leaves are falling, summer gone.
It's that time again, time to move on.
Ever forwards, escape the wrath.
Always to folow that terrible path.
Hope for nothing, love forbade.
Joy restricted, years to fade.
Days swiftly passing, without pause.
Try to escape from deaths icy claws.
Suddenly angels from heaven descend.
Slavery, torture, it's all at an end.
For God gave his son to die on the cross,
Now from our death comes gain, not loss.
Sleep in peace, rest awhile.
God shall take from us all things vile.
Comments
Good
Very good. My only edit suggestion is that "God" needs to be capitialized.
Formerly Kestrel
Ok.
The whole word, or just the first letter? The first letter is already capitalized.
Oh for the times when I felt invincible.
Wow. Really good. It's odd
Wow. Really good. It's odd (in a good way) that every line is a sentence, except for the 11th and 12th. Very good.
I think she meant in the 11th line. "For god gave" should be "for God gave". Right?
"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God such men lived."
General George S. Patton
Yes
airlia's correct. I meant the 11th line
Formerly Kestrel
Oops.
Oh, yeah. Thanks. I didn't see that.
Oh for the times when I felt invincible.
This is great!
Just a couple of corrections, though. Follow is misspelled, "forwards" should be "forward," and you probably should remove the punctuation at the ends of the lines, since this is poetry. Just a suggestion. This poem is beautiful! Great job!
LIKE =)
Nice! You really have a knack for rhyming, but not making the words/flow sound cheesy in order to do so! Keep up the good work... SARA. ;)
love ya,
~Em
Just skimming trough some old
Just skimming trough some old posts and stumbled across this. This is BEAUTY. Thank you so much for sharing it. <3
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.
Excellent poem!!!!!!!
This was excellent, Sara..it flows like music!!!!!!!!!!