It is 6:30 a.m. as I write this. I just threw up.
It started over the weekend when my cousins came. My cousin Levi had thrown up that day. We should have known better, but what could we do? My cousins live in Grand Rapids. That’s four hours from where we live.
On Sunday night (Levi had left by this time), my mom began to feel nauseous. When we got home from church, she threw up. Then my little bother Matthew got sick. Then my dad.
By Monday it was mostly gone. Everyone was fine on Tuesday. But Tuesday night, I woke up at 4:20 a.m. groaning and whimpering with stomach pain.
I share a room with two of my sisters, Emily and Natalie. When I got louder with my "groanings and moanings" (to borrow the phrase from Gurgi of The Prydain Chronicles), Emily said, "Natalie, get Mom."
"Maybe she’s just sleeping," Natalie said sleepily.
Makes me wonder if I often groan and whimper in my sleep. But I was definitely not dreaming this. "Natalie, I’m not-" small scream- "asleep!"
"Natalie, get Mom. Now," Emily said through gritted teeth. She was sick, too.
Mom came. Dad came. We were rushed off to bathrooms. (Fortunately we have two.) Then my littlest sister Helen threw up in her bed and had to take a bath. (She felt better and went back to sleep.)
I sat in front of the toilet. The smell of it in and of itself could make me throw up. I rocked back and forth, screaming as quietly as I could.
I always make noise when I’m in pain. My mom said once, "We all get sick, but you’re the only one who seems to feel the need to vocalize it."
"Oh, I don’t want to throw up!" I cried. "Please God, don’t make me throw up!"
The thing is, I hate throwing up more than I hate the pain that would just go away if I did throw up. The seconds of breathlessness, the foul taste, the lurch… And I can’t stop once I’ve started, either.
There are some one-time throw-uppers. The puke once and then they’re done. Fine. Better. I’m not one of these. Last time I had the flu, I puked at least seven times in one hour, I kid you not, and about five more times that day.
Sometimes when I’m in pain, it helps to distract myself by watching a movie, listening to music, reading, having someone talk to me or tickle my back, or the like. So I asked my dad to bring me the third nook in the Prydain Chronicles, The Castle of Llyr, from downstairs. But as soon as I tried to read I felt sicker. So I put the book down and began to think. And the whole point of this post was to tell you what I was thinking, because under the "essay" headline it says "musings and experiences", and this is both.
I thought, if the characters from some of my books were here and they were my friends, how would they react? (Note: Some. Not all. Because I only mention certain books or certain characters from those books, it just means they’re more predictable to me or I didn’t think of them then or something. I’m not slighting other books and characters or saying that the books I chose are better than others. For instance: I didn’t do Pride and Prejudice, even though it’s one of my very favorite books.)
Here’s what I came up with:
A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket:
Violet and Klaus: "If you throw up, the pain will go away."
Sunny: "Kamonahoff!", which would mean something along the lines of "Face it like a man!"
I would then patiently explain that I hate throwing up more than pain. They would think I was nuts, but be far too polite to say so. Probably at this point they would leave.
The Prydain Chronicles by Lloyd Alexander:
Eilonwy: "You don’t want to throw up so that you’ll feel better? Why, that’s like going to a store so you won’t spend your money!"
Fflewddur (is it one d or two?): "Great Belin! You what? But- A Fflam is always helpful! Why, once I-" wherefore he would go into some marvelous tale as several of his harp strings snapped.
Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien (of course!):
Aragorn (this one is long because Aragorn’s probably my favorite chracter and I know him pretty well. That wasn’t meant to sound conceited; we just do. I go to Middle Earth quite often): Would probably give me some instructions that I would follow. I’d throw up, start to feel better, and look sheepish. Aragorn would start to leave for some important Rangerly/kingly duty, and I would start to feel sick again. He would give me the same instructions, but I would refuse, not wanting to throw up again. So he would take hold of me, swing me over the toilet I had been carefully avoiding, and force a puke out, thereby saving my life and leaving me eternally in his debt, wherefore I would gladly serve it out by traveling with him everywhere.
Sam: Run around frantically, trying to help me.
Elrond: Walk around calmly and be of use.
Pippin and Merry: "What did you do? Eat some bad mushrooms?" Help themselves to the food in our kitchen.
Frodo: Actually, I can’t imagine Frodo being there. He’s my least favorite member of the Fellowship. I even like Boromir better, thought I’m not saying Boromir’s my friend…
Gandalf: Try some funky spell to help me somehow. (Yes, I actually do use the word "funky". I use "snazzy" too.)
Chronicles of Narnia by C.S.Lewis (of course!):
Lucy: Squeeze my hand and say something comforting. Maybe give me a little cordial.
Susan: "Oh, you poor dear." Susan isn’t my friend, exactly, more of an older sister, but somehow she’d manage to be there.
Tumnus: Fetch me some tea. (No sardines please!) Unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to drink it.
Edmund: King of stand there wondering if he should do anything. (I already told him I didn’t really like Turkish Delight.)
Peter: I dunno. Maybe guard the door.
Eustace: Try to be helpful.
Jill: Try to be helpful, maybe talk to me.
Caspian: Pretty much just talk to Peter.
Trumpkin: Be grouchy. Probably call me a wimp.
Aslan: No prediction. After all, he’s not a tame lion.
Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine:
Ella: Not really do anything helpful on her own part, but she’d get Mandy.
Mandy: Cook up some funky fairy cure. (I just did it again.)
Areida: Nurse me through the night.
Char: Be polite and distant, which depresses me because my favorite character. If I were slightly better acquainted with him, he might fetch the Royal Doctor to help me and be worried.
The Princess Bride by S. Morgenstern, "abridged" by William Goldman:
Buttercup: Ignore me, looking at Wesley.
Wesley: Ignore me, looking at Buttercup. (Again this is depressing. L)
Miracle Max: Search my house for change and not give a shred of help unless either Valerie came along or I could pay him more.
Inigo: Either wouldn’t care or would talk to Peter and Caspian. Probably show off and tell about his adventures.
Fezzik: Look in through the window, wishing he could be of help. Maybe make up rhymes for me. (By now the bathroom is too crammed to fit him, if he could have fit in the first place.)
The Underland Chronicles by Suzanne Collins:
Luxa: Scorn me.
Vikus: Pity me.
Gregor: Would be totally clueless. Grab some medicine?
Boots: "Hi, you!"
The bats, collectively because there are so many: Flutter nervously.
Ripred: Be totally unsympathetic, but maybe give me advice (and a nickname I wouldn’t enjoy).
Castaways of the Flying Dutchman Series by Brian Jacques (I didn’t do Redwall because that would take too long):
Ben: Try to help. Maybe tell me a story.
Ned: Make smart remarks, but feel sorry for me.

As the room filled up, I eventually stopped thinking and tried to read, which I did until I threw up at 6:30 a.m. Then, feeling better, I sat down and wrote this. The sun is coming up. It is 7:25, Wednesday, April 9th, 2008. My books have gone back on the shelf.
THE END

PS, written April 10th- After I wrote that, I had to throw up again. I lay around in a chair all the rest of the day, napped, watched tv, and read. I missed church. I tried to eat I little. I took a shower and went to bed. Today I felt so much better that I had to do school. *Long drawn sigh*
Hope my thoughts amused you!