Two Children, An Enchanter, and Three Horsemen; Chapter 1

Submitted by Teal on Sat, 01/31/2009 - 18:30

Chapter 1

The silent forest came alive in the light of dawn as the rosy sun climbed the peeks of purple mountains on the horizon. Autumn leaves were plucked from the trees by a shrill wind and floated freely above the canopy of swaying trees.
A wild hare bounded along the path- its long ears turned in the direction of a bright eyed, dark haired girl who skipped through the forest.
Frightened, the hare scrambled into the brambles and watched until the girl vanished over a hill. A hawk’s shadow glided over the forest floor, and the hare darted on to more secure shelter.
The girl, meanwhile surveyed the forested landscape before her. She was all alone…or so she thought, for a pair of indignant eyes followed her as she vanished into the forest.
The girl was walking slower now than before. She was headed towards the north fork of the forest. Though the sun was shining brightly, the towering peaks of the evergreen forest blocked its cheery rays. The girl picked up her pace and raced onwards. She hopped across a roaring stream. On the opposite bank, she stopped. In a clearing before her lay a cabin.
Moss had grown up all over the dilapidated shanty, camouflaging it so well that one could pass within a few feet of it and never notice it. Wild flowers nodded at the rotten doorstep. A spider patiently awaited the arrival of its next meal from the middle of a great web spun from the corner of a sagging doorpost. The girl went forward, but paused again at the doorway.
“Well, what are you waiting for?”
The girl spun around.
A fair haired boy appeared from behind a tree and stared back at her defiantly, arms akimbo. The girl swallowed, and tossed her hair back as the color returned to her face.
“I hope you haven’t been spying on me, Will Banks,” she said at last.
The boy only grinned.
The girl flushed indignantly. “It is none of your business to go around spying on people and then scaring them.”
“Just like it’s your business to trespass onto other folk’s property?” the boy retorted.
The girl narrowed her eyebrows. “I didn’t know this was your land. I beg your royal pardon, and I will immediately remove my humble presence from your sight.” She turned to leave.
The boy took a step forward. “Please don’t go, Jane. I didn’t mean to scare you or spy on you. I was just surprised to find you walking in the forest. I was curious, and so I just followed you to see what you would do. I’m sorry.”
The girl stopped, somewhat appeased.
The boy stepped forward and held out his hand. “Look, maybe we hit it off badly at school. I’m sorry for calling you hoity-toity, but really, you have to admit that you were being a snob when you tattled on Duke and I. There! Now you’re mad again.”
“Who said I was mad?” hissed Jane, swinging around and throwing him a disdainful glance.
Will sighed. “You don’t look exactly happy.”
Jane’s face suddenly froze. She recovered quickly and snarled, “Do you blame me? Would you blame me for not being happy if you knew all the trouble I’ve gone through for these past two weeks?”
Will’s face was solemn. “What trouble, Jane?”
Jane spoke more quietly. “My parents are off in Europe on business. They’ll be gone for weeks. They don’t care about me- never have. What’s more, they sent me here to stay with a cantankerous great-aunt, a dreadful woman if you ever saw one. All the grump does is pick on my manners and play bingo. She doesn’t even allow me to go out of the house or run around the neighborhood to meet new friends for fear of ‘germs and bad influence.’ If my parents didn’t insist, she would probably take me out of school and lock me up in that dark drafty house of hers forever!”
Will raised his eyebrows sympathetically. “Pheeewwyy! I sure don’t envy you… But how did you get out of the house to walk over here?”
Jane dried her eyes on her coat sleeve and smiled. “Oh- that’s easy. I just climb out my window and slide down the birch tree that is conveniently planted right outside my room. The only kind thing Great-aunt ever did was to plant that tree outside my bedroom window.”
Will chuckled. “So how do you like this forest? Shall I show you around?”
Jane haughtily straightened and shook her head. “I’m afraid that won’t be necessary.”
“Won’t be…what?” Will shouted in surprise. “Don’t tell me that…” his voice trailed off.
“Yes.” Jane smiled smugly. “I’ve been here before. Many times, in fact. I know every tree, bush, and bramble in this forest by heart. I walk in it every morning. Early- before school, of course. And before that great-aunt of mine wakes up.”
Will flamed red with indignation. “You dirty trespasser! This is my property! I could call the police on you! My father-”
“I said that I didn’t know that this forest was anyone’s! And if anyone is dirty, you are for calling me names at school yesterday!” Jane retorted furiously, as she whirled around back towards the river.
Will watched her go for a moment. Then, he darted after her.
“Jane, Jane, stop!”
The girl walked on.
“Jane! I said I was sorry. You’re not being fair. Stop, I said!”
Jane stopped, panting for breath. Will spoke in a quieter tone. “I know you’re still angry at me for calling you names yesterday- but that was yesterday. You’ve got to move on. I said I was sorry. I want to be your friend.”
Jane stood, silent. She spoke without turning around. “I’m sorry, Will. I’ve been angry a lot lately because of everything that’s happened. And now I’ve taken it out on you. I’m really sorry about going on your land without permission but I just didn’t know that anyone owned this land. I just thought it was a vacant forest. I loved walking here because it was so peaceful and quiet. It was a place to sort out my thoughts.”
She turned around, and gave a half smile. “So I’d like to start over.”
Will, embarrassed, kicked at a stump.
Jane changed the subject. “Do you know the story behind the cabin over there?” She turned and gazed at it.
Will nodded and led the way back to the clearing. “This property has been in my family’s possession for years. My great grandfather, Thomas, bought the land for his sons, and built this cabin here for his wife. Great-grandmother died a few years after Great-grandfather finished building it and Great-grandfather died soon afterwards.”
“What happened then?” Jane asked.
“My Great-grandfather Thomas’s only son, my grandfather, inherited the land. And when he died a few years ago, it became my father’s. My father built the house over near yours when I was born and we’ve lived there ever since, the cabin left to rot. ”
Jane turned and looked towards the cabin. “Have you ever explored the cabin?”
Will shook his head, and Jane saw his face redden.
“Why not?” Jane demanded. “If I owned this property, I would explore the cabin.”
“Just like you were going to today?”
Jane gritted her teeth. “Will, I already said sorry…”
Will just chuckled and shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Why…” Jane began timidly, “…why haven’t you gone in the cabin?”
Will shrugged. “It’s dangerous. Think how old it is. It’s bound to collapse.”
Jane’s green eyes danced mischievously. “You’re afraid,” she taunted, skipping ahead towards the river.
Will’s blue eyes snapped and he stopped and faced the girl. “Then I challenge you, Madame Jane Auburn, to step inside the cabin to prove that you are indeed fearless, not a yellow-bellied coward.”
Jane pulled a glove from one of her hands and flourished it in the air before tossing it at Will’s feet. “I accept the challenge!”

* * *

I've never had anyone read my writing other than my younger siblings and my parents, so I thought it would be nice to have an idea how I'm doing. Please post any suggestions or comments! I love all constructive criticism!!! :)

Author's age when written
14
Genre

Comments

This is pretty good so far. Welcome to AP! I don't have anything to constructivly criticise.
\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%
I personally predict that the world will come crashing to a halt if you don't forward this to 50 Gazillion people by noon tomorow!!
-me (in parody of a chain e-mail)

Awesome! I especially love your descriptions. Welcome to ApricotPie!

"Remember when 'you play like a girl' use to be an insult?"
-Mia Hamn, American Olympic soccer star.

"Being cool is not acting cool."
-Anonymous

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Ooh, sounds fun!
*************************************************
He who is near to his Captain is sure to be a target for the archers.
-Amy Carmichael

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief

WOW!!! That was so good:)
------------------------------------------------
"Pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors!"--Klaus Baudelaire

*****************************************
"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be that have tried it." -- Herman Melville

It's really descriptive; I could see everything happening. I like it; it's good!

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question." - Harun Yahya

Wow, that was really good. I like the description of the forest, it sounds really lush and beautiful! I can imagine it really well. And I also like the conversation between Will and Jane! Very well done!
-------------------------------------------------
"Their most active years are the first six months"--Old Fashioned Girl, referring to cats.

<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\
"Are you sure this water is sanitary? It looks questionable to me! But what about bacteria?"--Tantor the elephant from Tarzan.

Wow, that was really good. I like the description of the forest, it sounds really lush and beautiful! I can imagine it really well. And I also like the conversation between Will and Jane! Very well done!
-------------------------------------------------
"Their most active years are the first six months"--Old Fashioned Girl, referring to cats.

<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\<>/\
"Are you sure this water is sanitary? It looks questionable to me! But what about bacteria?"--Tantor the elephant from Tarzan.