I Wish

Submitted by Aredhel Írissë on Wed, 11/27/2013 - 04:25

Oh, what sweet music you bring,
When the bow crosses o’er your string.
I wish I could play you;
Just like others do.

I wish, I wish.

Your sound brings such joy,
Your music, so sweet!
I wish I could play you,
If I could, I'd play you.

I wish, I wish.

Your lovely sound,
Makes me not want quit
Learning to play you.
How can they do it?

I wish, I wish.

Oh what joy to me you bring,
When a song you angelically sing,
I wish I could play you, I do!
Dear Violin, I want to learn you!

I wish, I wish.

Someday I'll learn to play you,
Just like others do.
You'll sing to me,
So beautifully.

I hope, I hope.

Author's age when written
12
Genre
Poetry
Tags
dreams
Notes

My first real poem I've ever written. I know it's not the best, but, anyways....please tell me what you think!

Comments

Elizabeth Anne

Sat, 11/30/2013 - 23:53

Permalink

Beautiful!
The rhyme scheme is very good and beautifully steady, even though it does falter once or twice. (The stanza that begins "If only you had better strings" seems to break from the pattern of the previous stanzas)
I also love the placement of the "I wish, I wish" which is then replaced by "I hope, I hope." This really brings a sense of deeper meaning to the poem as the previous stanzas had all been somewhat helpless and hopeless. You were simply wishing for something impossible to happen. And then, at the very end, you change to a more hopeful desire to learn.

Overall, this is a very good first poem. :)
Keep writing. You'll get better with practice. :)

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper

Elizabeth Anne

Sat, 11/30/2013 - 23:53

Permalink

Beautiful!
The rhyme scheme is very good and beautifully steady, even though it does falter once or twice. (The stanza that begins "If only you had better strings" seems to break from the pattern of the previous stanzas)
I also love the placement of the "I wish, I wish" which is then replaced by "I hope, I hope." This really brings a sense of deeper meaning to the poem as the previous stanzas had all been somewhat helpless and hopeless. You were simply wishing for something impossible to happen. And then, at the very end, you change to a more hopeful desire to learn.

Overall, this is a very good first poem. :)
Keep writing. You'll get better with practice. :)

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper

Maddi

Sun, 12/01/2013 - 22:29

Permalink

I have to say this is a lot better than what I wrote at your age. :) I like the first stanza the best; and like what Elizabeth said, at the end when you expressed the desire to learn.

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh