{Lately martyrdom has been on my mind. Stay tuned on my blog to find out why. But then I caught a stomach bug and was quite miserable. The next day I listened to a sermon by Eric Ludy called "Extraordinary Courage" ... which really stepped on my toes. My thoughts, Mr. Ludy's, and some of Richard Baxter's are included in this prayer}

‘Tis so easy to romanticize
The notion of martyrdom.
The longing inside with the prayer
"Thy kingdom come.”

‘Tis so noble to want to die
For His glorious name,
Yet when the pain comes

Those eyes I see, in the dead of night.
Those eyes I fear will be my demise.
Their red burning in the dead of night
Their white lining glowing like moonlight so fine.
I try to decline
Those eyes so malciouse
His teeth sharp and rigid
Those eyes like fire from hell
Now it is easy to see why so many fell
Into his prison of char and brimstone
A thousands souls never burning alone
Those eyes so cold
Those eyes so bold
They keep me down like a burden on my back
My hope to attack
But I can't do that

Jacob gritted his teeth as a whip slashed across his back.

"No lagging, slave!'

He bent and pulled another rock from the pile in front of him. Straightening up, he walked as fast as he could with it to an ever-growing rock wall. He placed his stone carefully into a space in the wall and plastered it in with clay. He paused for a moment to wipe sweat from his eyes, and was rewarded by another whip slash on his back.

"No stoppin'! Back to work!"

**So the other night, I couldn't get to sleep...and finally I picked up my little scripture passage-a-day book.  I forget what exactly the passage was, but the words "Abide in Me" stuck out at me...and then this "prosy sort of poem" just came out of my fingers...and I guess my heart too. :)**

-

Alone with my failings
Alone in the night
I felt my heart
Beating
The rhythm it pulsed was one of sadness
And it spoke a language of loneliness

Alone with my failings
Alone in the night
I reached with my heart....

Every day brings struggles

Moments our souls must decide

To rise above or drop below

Moments to stand or hide.

To love or hate, to do or not do

to be me or just pretend,

I pray that I may have the strength

to not falter in the end.

Bowed head, folded hands,

Begging God for one more chance.

Forgiveness: that is all you need,

Mercy: it's for this you plead,

You're not worthy, this you know,

But with just one word, God's mercy flows.

You feel alone, and your heart breaks,

Silence is all that it takes,

Oh, you child of the Lord,

Pick yourself up off the floor.

Brush away impurities,

In front of God, fall on your knees.

There's always a second chance

To get up and try again.

Forget the right, you only know the wrong,

      As I walk the worn path I see the marks of Christians stretched far beyond my reaching grasp, but as the finger traces Your cross upon my brow, Your victory shines through me. We are a witness.
     The dearth of home and rest. We are want. We are need. We are bleeding. Our wounds match Yours in a transparent aspect. Unity.

Dear God,

We haven't spoken since July. I have only spoken to you. Something is wrong with me. I used to be able to talk to you and know with my heart that you heard me. now, I talk and I feel as if I were talking to myself. I still know that you hear. But I know it the way I know that you know my every thought.