The Magician of Iglis - Chapter Three, of Stranger Occurences

Submitted by Sarah Anne on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 22:19

The Magician of Iglis, CHAPTER THREE

Chapter Three - Of Stranger Occurences

I looked at my watch and sighed, in our world, it was nine at night. I would be comfortably seated in front of the TV, watching my favorite channel like I did every night. Then, an idea popped into my head, I decided to try to get a cellphone connection. I knew I couldn't, but I was so desperate, I tried anyways. I flipped the lid open and turned the power on, it was fully charged. It was impossible, but I had a five bar connection. While I was standing there in disbelief, Kya snatched the cellphone (as the sensible girl she always was.) and dialed our home number. I was still staring in disbelief, when I heard Kya scream. She looked at me and said,
"She answered! Your mom answered!" She squealed. She handed me the phone,
"mom?" I asked,
"right here, honey. Where on earth are you? we have been searching everywhere for you!" I paused and steadied my shaking voice,
"Uh, mom. To be honest, I really have no idea where we are. We got a package this morning, we opened it; there were two rings in it with Kya's and my initials on them," I continued with the whole story, telling her every last detail. I could tell by her voice that she, too was puzzled.
"Jess, I don't know how it happened, I don't know what on earth to do. Do you have a sweater?"
"No, mom. I am wearing a T-shirt. No sweater!" Mom sighed, she knew I was not one for practical jokes.
"I hope your not joking, because I really miss you, hon!" she said.
"Alright mom, I gotta go. we are gonna look for a place to stay. Love you!" I pressed end, I was still dazed with the fact that I was able to get through to mom.
"Kya, something really weird is going on. I don't know how in the blazes we got a connection!" I said, and Kya nodded her head in agreement.
"Jess, do you want to keep going?"
"Kya, I think we have to, we can not possibly survive if we sleep in the snow, we really need to find somewhere to sleep." Kya nodded, but I could tell she was not willing.
"Kya, we really, really have to!" I said. We trudged through snow, getting deeper every few minutes. Several miles ahead, I saw what looked like a light ahead. I was wanting to make sure I was not having a delusion, so I asked Kya if she saw a light. The answer was yes. We ran as fast as we could towards the light, as it got brighter and brighter. At last, we saw a cozy looking cottage up ahead, just two hundred yards away. Kya and I both high fived, and ran faster. When we got to the door, we banged as loudly as we could. An elderly lady opened the door, and looked us up and down.
"Who are you?" She asked us, I was too cold to speak, so Kya did.
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, but we can not find our home. And we have been out for hours in the cold weather. If you please .. can not you let us in?"
Kya asked, using her most effective pleading voice. The old woman just stared at us for several minutes and then said very slowly,
"No. No, I cannot let you in."
And she shut the door in our faces! Kya and I sat in front of the door and sobbed, and I think we might have both died that very night, if a young lady hadn't come up to us from behind the house, several minutes later. Her face was kind, and patient. And we soon found out that her mother was the cruel old woman who had shut us out of the house. But the girl, who introduced herself as Lianna, let us inside. And I heard her scolding her mother in another room as we sat by the fire to warm ourselves. She fed us bread and milk and cheese. She asked us many questions, and seemed very interested about our world. We found out that we were indeed in another world, and the land we were in was called Tallifarth. Her father, Havand, had been killed in battle many years ago, and it left her mother bitter and angry; until she became cruel. Lianna said that the garden we were in was the Kings garden, and that the kings palace was in the other direction. We stayed the night, and although the beds were of straw, we slept (at least myself) better than I ever had before; leaving the days worries behind me. I awoke to the sun shining, and Lianna and Kya were chattering away. I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep; Kya noticed.
“You should be up by now, Jess! it is almost noon.” I rolled my eyes and rolled off the bed.
“Kya..” I groaned. Kya waved her arms playfully,
“sorry!” I smirked. Kya laughed, and I walked over to where they were sitting and took a seat.
“Jess, the storm is going down. I think that we should head towards the palace, and we should see if the cellphone will still connect.” I chuckled,
“Kya, you've forgotten I have not eaten breakfast..”
“oh, of course. Sorry!” Kya replied. Lianna put in front of me a bowl of something green and mushy. I stared into the bowl,
“um..” I wrinkled my nose.
“Um..Lianna, what is this?” I asked pointing into my bowl. She laughed,
“it is called Iglis soup. It was made from the fruits of the Iglis tree.” she continued,
“it is very good. Have some.” I picked at the 'iglis soup' with my spoon,
“Um, I am not really that hungry .. Kya, we should leave now. You were right.” I said it very fast. Kya laughed, “Jess, it really is good! Try at least one bite.” I looked again into the bowl,
“I said I am not hungry, Ky. Let's go.”
But, finally, with much insisting, Kya got me to try it. I put the spoon to my mouth and touched my tongue to the green food. I spit it back into my bowl, my spoon falling onto the table and ran for the sink. I had forgotten there was no sink in this world,
“I will get you a drink, Jess.” Lianna said, and brought some cold water to me. I took it gratefully, because after having that Iglis soup, I needed something to get the taste out.
“You don't really like this, Kya.” Kya smiled. After thanking our host, we left. She gave us each a loaf of bread for when lunch (actually, more like supper) came around and wool socks and shawls. Ring, ring! My cellphone was ringing!

Author's age when written
14
Genre

Comments

Exciting!!

Very good; the only big thing is that its hard to make out whose talking.

Couple of things: First, "Then, an idea popped into my head, I decided to try to get a cellphone connection."
Instead of a comma after head, I think it would be better to just put a full stop. Second: " "Kya, we really, really have to!" I said."
I think that whole line is unnecessary.
Third: " Several miles ahead, I saw what looked like a light ahead."
It is one of my pet peeves when someone uses the same word in the same sentence. (Except for the words like: the and so on) I think you should change one of the 'aheads' to something else.

Other than all that, you're all good! The only really big thing was that you need to clarify more clearly who is talking. I say separating all the talking into a paragraph of its own. :)

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

It's really quite odd how readily they're accepting this new reality. I mean, seriously? They seem more surprised by being able to get a cell phone connection than by being mysteriously teleported to some random snow garden. It just strikes me a strange that when she sees a light she wonder's if she's imagining it, but she doesn't question at all the fact that she put on a ring and went to Narnia. It's interesting, but this seems a little... unrealistic? not sure if that's the right word, but they don't seem at all affected by the whole world-jump.

Thanks both of you :)
And they are not in Narnia, by the way :)
And this is STILL a draft, it is in the process of being edited, so hold y'alls horses ;)
~Sarah

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths

P.S
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