The Magician of Iglis - Chapter Four, Lodgings

Submitted by Sarah Anne on Fri, 11/16/2012 - 21:19

Thanks for all of y'alls comments!! :D

Chapter Four – Lodgings

I took my cellphone out of my pocket and looked at the caller ID, it was mom!
“Mom?” “Hey honey! How are you doing? I am so worried about you!” It was moms voice again, she sounded frantic. I spoke,
“Mom, we are okay, I guess. We found a place to sleep last night, and the young lady who let us stay, told us that we are in a different world and that the land we are in is Tallifarth.”
Mom paused for a moment and then said,
“I think your bluffing.”
(mom got that line from The Princess Bride.) I thought for a moment,
“mom, maybe this is all fake. I don't know, maybe it is all a dream. But we are certainly not bluffing about what we are experiencing in our 'dream'!” Mom and I talked for about five more minutes, and I gave her almost every detail of the story. Then, I was about to shut the lid when I glanced at the battery, ugh! It only had ten percent left. I quickly shut it off all the way and stuffed it in my pocket. Kya raised an eyebrow,
“Jess, how in the world – this land – are we getting a connection?”
“I was thinking,” I began,
“I was thinking that perhaps, we are in another world, but we are still very close to our own world. And perhaps it is close enough to get a connection.”
I felt proud of myself for thinking of that.
“I bet your right, Jess! What a wonderful brain you have.” Kya said.
I did not blush, I was always a little bit proud. We walked and walked and walked for at least five hours. The sky was getting dark, and not long after, it was pitch dark. The stars were glittering all across the sky, and not a soul, not a house was to be seen. I looked at my watch, and turned the light on it on (which, you know, was the light inside of a watch so that you can see the time in the dark?) in our world (maybe in this world, too?) it was three in the morning. I blinked, time had gone by so quickly. Kya and I had a lot of conversation during our walk, but as the both of us began getting tired, our conversations got less and less. And then, we stopped talking and walked quietly. We had passed the gardens entrance long ago, and now, ahead of us, we saw the huge, dark image of the castle sillouhetted against the moonlight. Within, I rejoiced; I was too tired to rejoice outwardly. But Kya did, she jumped up and down and exclaimed that we would get better beds and better food. We finally reached the castle's gates, and I pounded loudly, and then noticed a door knocker. Which made much more noise. A sleepy sentry opened the gate window and yawned,
“What do you need? And why so late?” He asked grumpily.
“We seek lodging, we are very cold and I must see the King at once!” I said, and the sentry lazily opened the great castle gates.
“You cannot see the king tonight, it must be in the morning. There is an inn not far from here.” I was disappointed and so was Kya, but we were too tired to protest. We found the inn of which he spake, the Tallifarth Inn. We entered it and a gruff faced man was behind the counter,
“what can I help you with?” He asked, and though his face looked gruff, his voice was gentle. We told him our plight, and soon we had gotten a room for free. There were two beds in the room, but only one person could fit on each. The mattresses were stuffed with wool, and so were the pillows. We slept comfortably, and awoke to the breakfast bell, which we readily went down to. When the waiter got to us, he handed us both a covered bowl and wine. I uncovered my dish and dropped the lid back down. Iglis soup. Again. I made a face and Kya laughed, and put her spoon into her bowl. Kya ate anything if she was hungry, literally. She also pretended that she liked it, but I knew she did not. No one could possibly like that.. that, stuff. I sighed, I was getting very hungry. And when Kya finished her food and went upstairs, I slowly took a bite (I was so hungry that I had to eat something, but I certainly could not let Kya see me.) I took a big bite and held it in my mouth, expecting to spit it out. But, no, it really was heavenly! I could hardly believe my tongue! Kya was back down before I could hide how much I had eaten, she looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
“Um..I was, uh.. I was hungry, Kya. I had to eat something!” I stammered.
“You like it, don't you, Jess?”
“Uh, no. No, I don't like it at all.” Kya looked at me and raised her eyebrow again, with a questioning face like, yeah, right.
“Okay, Ky. You win, it really is good!” We both broke out laughing at the same time. I finished my food, and then we went to where the castle was inside the kingdom. Now we could see everything in the broad daylight: outside, all the streets were paved with marble. And when we got to the palace, it was gold. Pure gold. Flowers, like those in the garden, bloomed all around the Palace. I blinked, opened my eyes, pinched myself and I knew I was not dreaming. When we got to the doors of the palace, there was a ruby door knocker. I was still stunned by the great beauty of the palace, and my shaking hands reached for the door knocker. A guard opened the door, and we told him that we wished to see the king. He nodded his head and said,
“I will tell the king. we will see if it works out.” We waited for several minutes, and soon he returned.
“The king will see you.” He said, and led us across marble floored halls, (the walls were gold). He led us to a door and put his hand to the knob.

Author's age when written
14
Genre

Comments

The number of paragraphs is much easier. The seventh to last paragraph, however, seems as if it would make better sense if it were divided into several paragraphs.

You have me curious about what is going to happen next.

Talking about the watch, I feel like the content in parentheses were unnecessary.

Finally, taking phrases from movies is fine. But you may not want to point out that they are borrowed lines.

One question: how do you pronounce Tallifarth?

I look forward to reading more.

“D’ye know what Calvary was? What? What? What? It was damnation; and he took it lovingly.”
~John Duncan

I love the paragraphs, it makes it so much easier to read. What colour is this Iglis soup? Probably a sickly green.

Slip-ups: In the beginning of some sentences, (actually, a lot) you missed out on starting with a capital.
“I bet your right, Jess! What a wonderful brain you have.”
The "your" should be "you're", I think. And everything Benjamin (do you mind if we call you Ben?) said I agree with. :)

So good. I think that this chapter was a bit too rushed, and the other chapters were better. But still, pretty good job on this. God bless,

Maddi ;)

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh