The Chick and the Crow

Submitted by Kassady on Tue, 05/24/2016 - 17:57

The chick looks up with youth blurred eyes,
Peering into bright blue nothingness,
A feather coated Genesis.
The sky is blue and trees sway,
A streak of black on rustled breeze,
The chick looks as he perches in the trees.
The crow, a prince of the wind,
Darkest ebony feathers glinting in the sun,
The blue sky framing his midnight pigmentation.
Chick chirps feebly with excited song,
Flapping downy unformed wings,
Chest puffed proudly his creaking voice rings.
He flaps his feathers with mania on his mind,
The chick stares with severe admiration,
In her chest starts such conflagration.
Cloudy eyes see black armor glinting,
His talons appear to her smooth,
His discordant tones do soothe.
Downy dreams thrashing futilely,
Chick shyly watches black sails grasp the air,
Catching sight of glittering eyes speaking of despair.
"Look here, look here, look here,"
Chick wistfully chirps her heart's desires,
Too young for Aphrodite's quagmires.
Days filled with heart growing full,
Hens chide her with ruffled agitation,
But can she help her mawkish disposition?
The crow with his envious flight,
The muscles moving behind her minds eye,
His muscles fighting the currents in the sky.
Will his scattered visits end?
Her trepidatious heart aching,
Little toes straining to lift up but breaking.
Crow a temperate creature,
Till desperation rules with its silent sound,
Swooping talons flashing to the ground.
Chick screams not but cries masochistically,
Her blinded dreams a fault of cloudy new born sight,
But now even age doesn't make her past obsession right.
Missed opportunities,
And nothing but a broken heart left,
The arrow falls from the chicks chest.
Time like a river with rock beds still flows,
And now golden feathers frame her jeweled eyes,
The hen once a chick glances towards the skies.
The crow aged with accurate aim,
Catches her eye with glittering thought,
Consequently too strong now to be caught.
He tilts his head at this pretty poultry,
"Never more" turns into "never too late,"
But glittering black feathers no longer satiate.
A battle of heart just fought by her,
Won by one,
Golden armor glinting under the sun.

Author's age when written
18
Genre
Notes

So this probably needs some rhythmic edits, but I'm kinda... Well a lotta proud of this piece... I think I have authors vanity or something for I really am quite satisfied with the way this turned out! Let me know your thoughts! Thanks :D

Comments

Soooooo much metaphor in this, so much...the whole thing is basically an allegory! I would think this was really difficult to maintain--I was super impressed! There are so many lines that just leapt out at me with their beauty and grace--this was truly stunning! I had to take my time with this so I could comprehend it, and I loved that.

This whole part is so elegant, and so visual:

The muscles moving behind her minds eye,
His muscles fighting the currents in the sky.
Will his scattered visits end?
Her trepidatious heart aching,
Little toes straining to lift up but breaking.

I could see all of this. It was a perfect metaphor for something I think I know. The end, especially, was so lovely--a bittersweet triumph. I can't go on enough; you've done a wonderful job here! <3 Thank you for sharing!!!

I'll add that I love the whole story you tell--from the first sight of the crow, the chick's infatuation, the way he comes and goes and taunts her without meaning to--but he doesn't care; he's living his life. The way she can't reach him, and the way you show her struggle to try. My favorite part, though, has to be when she grows up and the crow finally sees her differently--but it's too late. She's too good for him, and she realizes that. So, yeah, I LOVE THIS! :)

:D :D oh my goodness Homey!!! I cannot even tell you how happy and how good your comment has made me feel! Pride is filling in my chest and I'm grinning like an idiot (thank goodness I'm in my room alone :P)! I am so relieved that I was able to convey the story as I had intended!!!! Yay!!! Oh my word, thank you! I think I'll probably read your comment a hundred times :P
Yay! Yay! Yay! You got it ;) you know me! It was definitely fun to play with the metaphors and the allegory (though very difficult to keep track of and stay on target with) I am so so happy you liked it *air fist pump* yay! Love you Fraaaand!!!

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
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Write On!