Desperate

Desperation
Is
Not a dress
That I ever want to
Don
A turn-away-from-everything
Senseless need for
Something
Gone
Or crying out in the
Fervent hope
That someone will
Take notice
It's everywhere
It's getting deep
I never want
To know it

Hold Back

Bite my tongue to keep myself from looking
Skimming through
I could go searching but it's just so
Wrong
And so I won't
And still I won't

Dreamaleam

I went to that sleepy place in memory
And made new ones
I saw her running in the periphery
Her mother was friendly
When I asked after her she said
Well, she's trying to loose weight
And I thought
She never needed to
For a minute I was cold around the shoulders
Last year felt so keening
Where at times it feels hazy
Like it never really happened
But this was a dream and
I guess it did
Though as the three-six-five mark
Grows close
I keep thinking
That it didn't

You

Hope against hope
As I slip-side down this slope
Waking up thinking
All about it
It's hard to scope
All the sudden where we stand
Know is what I don't
Except you've fumbled out of plans
Three too many times to count
I want this thing to blow
Out, do you not think of me in the same
Respect that I do you?
Don't you know what you're missing?
You bring a smile to my face
I can't help wonder
What'd I do?

Probably

Probably nothing
Knowing me
I tend to like to worry
Obsessive and compulsive
And neurotic and erratic and
All those adjectives
That so aptly fit my
Being
I blow things way way out sometimes
This is probably another one of those
Familiar hazy things

Dancing at Nine

Caught in a whirlwind of
Air-punching arms and
Swooshing hips and
Shimmying shoulders
Jumping up and down
High off
The ecstasy of friends and
Two handfuls of candy and
The happy music
Is a constant
In the background
We are all one body and
Each our own
Beautiful in every way
I realize
We are all beautiful
We shout the lyrics and we
Tone it down
Liven it up
As it sways
Peters on the brink of insanity
And builds to the part where we all
Sing along
Six of us
A living room
Dancing crazy at
Nine o'clock

Scraped Knees

We're standing in the kitchen and we curl into
Ourselves we're laughing so hard
Bent over and I love it when I
Can't breathe like this I just
Love it
And when I climb upstairs I hear people downstairs saying
That scared me when she...
And their concern is sweet and silly and
Unnecessary mostly so
I love and I feel
Loved

It's Okay Not to Act My Age

It's funny how we have such widespread ages
You'd think we'd be grasping for things in common
That it would slip through our fingers
For the first few minutes I'm thinking
Oh, what now?
Then comes camaraderie
Since that desperate feeling somehow
Always goes away
Without needing any effort
And all the sudden there are so many voices that I'm
Forced to choose between conversations
And the time is passing so quickly and I just--
Want.
I want to hold onto it
To pull it out and stretch it like taffy and
Procrastinating cups of decaf coffee and
The certainty that we will all meet again
Within the year
Already I'm planning the next time in my mind
Before the house is even clear
But when it is and I climb into bed
The emptiness is not so near
And that's comforting to me at least
To take the edge off of the sear
And now here we are at the
Edge of the weekend
But the end of the party and I
Miss it already and I
Await next time

Boo

I realize how truly sweet it is
That my little brother is still little enough
To come in, say goodnight
Pull a face
Kiss me on the head
Be thankful
He's almost taller but I'll always be
Oldest
And it's something I shouldn't take
Lightly

Sometimes

My Janey
In my journal
And I feel a spring of tears to
My eyes
It's sweet seeing myself like this
Full of innocence
When did that turn into
Condescending disguised
As comedy
I guess when I grew up and
Finally realized
The truth about people
How they lost their aura
And occasionally I still long for
Spending those nights
I guess when I was young I thought I'd
Have them forever but
It hit me hard that night that they're
Gone
They're just gone
I'm not seven anymore I'm
A decade older than that and
It's both thrilling and happy but
Sometimes
It's sad