Breathe

I'm sitting up late watching old videos
And not believing how much I have changed
I think I'm better now but it's just on a whim
She seemed pretty happy back then
All the same

Bathroom Sink

It's just a small old
Picky thing
Something that can be
Pulled apart
I fix my gaze over the sink
And keep my tone as icy-sharp
As I can stand
For it to be

Oh, but I feel so cruel
Afterward
The guilt gnaws without light
Joined by its heady friend
Remorse
Regret and rue preside
And I know it's something
All girls do
At some point in their life
Usually over
Alluded-to rules
That cause a bit of strife
That they don't want to
Feel
An obligation
To abide
But probably would've
Otherwise

My response
A product
Of its own
Toneless
Demise

And I'm paving
My own way
A new terrain
That's shaded by
The promise of
A steady hand
That's always been in mine
To reach past lines
To blur demands
To help me to continually
Consistently
Get by

So, no
It's not a weightless thing
I'm carrying now
As I
Write
Impulsive
Childish
In mind
A boorish reaction
I won't let
Slide
Even when I hear
Goodnight
Even as I fall back with
A crisp
And colorless
Reply

Feeling all
Torn
I can't take it
My own blue scorn
It's all I see
In my corneas
In the blur of my reflection
That's trampling all the good
In the mirror as I breathe
It's just a feeling so forlorn
Like
I don't want to stand behind--
Not even words--
A state of being
That makes me feel so
Ill inside
This isn't me
And I can't settle
'til it's put right

I reclaim my sight
Apologize
In my own wordless way
To draw a laugh
From an honest place
Is the best bet I can take
And it's in a backwards way
But that backwards way
Is right
Okay,
Yes, yes, I was wrong
But that's not why I
Concede my fight
Because hey,
I'm still improving
And for me
That's good and fine

Hand-up

I feel like I've gotten some sort of clarity
Some sense of brevity
About the situation
And I feel like there's a reason
For the fact that those words
Rhyme

LA

LA
Sunshine
On my hair
Filtering through
The lattice of my life
Weaving through in
Strong strands
Of dreams come to
Reality
Fruition at its finest
The way I want to be
A clothes store employee
But only temporarily
Building the bridge to
Another thing
Even greater and better than
That
My plan looks good on paper
A bit out there, sure to see
In the not-so-distant horizon
At midnight
Dusk is calling
For me to complete
The college-ruled paper
With my future in ink

Best Friend

It's so lovely sitting here
Being teenaged girls
Sharing this age
With caramel lattes
(Pumpkin spice for you)
With new things to say
That somehow
Most always
Seem to sound the same
But manage to be about
Dynamic things
And it's great
It's so great
To experience this
It's great
It's so great
To just have a best friend