I feel the poison set in deep inside me. The poison of wanting that one person you can’t have. You want them so badly you’d do anything. You know they don’t want you. Why would they want you? It hurts so bad to want something, you’ll never get. In the back of your mind, rejection haunts you like a night terror. No matter how many times you wake up, as soon as you fall back asleep the dream starts right where it left off.
  Why him? Out of all the people in the world? Other people have dimples. Other people are smart. Other people are respectful. Other people are beautiful. But, why does he have to have dimples, and be smart, and have respect, and why does he have to have beauty no one else can compare with? Why is the world so cruel, and cold, and messed up?
  Adoring him is pointless, and you know it.
  Wanting him won‘t get you anywhere. You don’t care.
  ‘The fear of failure is worse than failure itself.‘ What more is there to say?
  I love him. I’m invisible. I want him, but he doesn’t realize it. He probably won’t realize it until it’s too late. He won’t realize how badly I want his gorgeous face on the pillow beside me every night for the rest of my life. He won’t see that I want to be the best friend he laughs with. Why can’t he see it? Why can’t he see me? Here I am. Waiting. It might take forever, but I’ll wait with a smile.
  ‘Some things never change…’ That quote is quite the understatement.
  God never changes. The past never changes. And hopefully plain ’ole Coca-Cola will never change.
  But, hope changes. Promises change. And love changes.
  I sit and hang on to every word that escapes his perfect mouth. How can he not know? Will he ever realize? I’d do anything for him. I’d give him anything. You name it. You got it. Isn’t that love? Or is that an obsession? He can’t see what’s written in black and white. It’s not complicated. Just three words. It’s so simple. You only need one hand to count it. I. Love. You.
  I bite my tongue when I see him. Its like I want him to know… but I don’t want to tell him. It feels wrong to tell him. Like confessing to a murder. It’s the right thing to do, but when you look at the big picture you see consequences. Major consequences. Would telling him be worth it?
  I try and try to be obvious, but he’s so oblivious! How many hints will it take? Just a sweet and simple,” I’M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU, STUPID! WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!” might get his attention.
  Here it comes again.
  Failure.
  “I don’t like you in that way…”
  “Let’s just be friends…”
  “I’m sorry, Emily. I’m gay…”
  The possibilities are endless. Endless like numbers.
  1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ...  
  So endless that it’s just scary. Like the universe. Giant, open space that’s full of spinning, enormous, rocks and balls of gas just circling around each other. It sounds like an accident waiting to happen.
  I guess I’m just an accident waiting to happen. Maybe that’s why he hardly notice me at all.
  I guess I’m just another girl who’d be happy for the rest of her life if she could possibly… just maybe be able to call him hers. Maybe I’m dramatic. Maybe I’m not. Maybe he doesn’t think of me like that. Maybe he does. If he does, he sure doesn’t show it. Maybe he should give me a sign. Maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe if I was meant to be with him I already would be. But, maybe not.
  It’s confusing. I’m all tangled up like an upside down insect. Just give it time and I’ll flip back over when I least expect it. Just give it time and I’ll figure all this out. Then I’ll be good as new.
  I would probably cry on the spot if I told him and he rejected me. Then what? I’m stuck. Like a half dead mouse stuck in a mouse trap. The mouse had good intentions of just getting the cheese and hightailing, but then SNAP before he knew it he was trapped. No way of getting out. I’m the mouse, and baby, you’re the cheese.
  He’s so precious. His face. His smile. His eyes. His hair. But his personality is most definitely my favorite. I love him, but he’ll never know. Unless I tell him, but we all know that’s never going to happen. The mouse is trapped, but numbers are still endless, and the enormous rocks keep spinning around and around each other. I hate to say it, and please tell me if I’m wrong,  but darling, I also think you’re still in the closet…
                                         "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,

                                                listens but doesn't believe,

                                              and leaves before she is left."

                                                      -Marilyn Monroe